She Is Not Okay

The Dark Times

  Smiles after smiles, laughter after laughter, is how I would spend most of my days, no sadness, no tears, maybe a little tears here and there but only from laughing too hard, not for wanting this pain to go away, physically.... and mentally. 

           School had always been my favorite, ever since I was younger, but for late sophomore year, it began to be a hassle for me.  I would always be in and out of the restroom constantly checking to see if it still kept occurring and of course it still kept happening. P.E was the worst, especially when we had to run the mile, I could not keep up with my friends because of the pain and discomfort that I was feeling. I just wished I could go be that energetic and happy again without having to be worried of anything. I just wished I could be able to run again without feeling pain or just sit down without having discomfort. As the days passed, the pain got worse and worse which messed up my mental health since my anxiety kept rising because I feared going to the hospital and having to go through all of that in which became my fear day after day after day until one day I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I told my parents to take me to the emergency room the next day because I couldn't go another day feeling that pain that I felt. I remembered the next day was a Saturday  and I had to go to a concert, I should have not went because I really couldn't last another day feeling that pain that I had been feeling and I wasn't able to enjoy the concert as much. 

          The next day came which was a Saturday and I was terrified on what they were going to do to me since no one that I know had gone through something like I did. I waited for hours in the waiting room until they finally called me in to go into a room. I told them what was occurring and immediately they took action. The entering of the anesthesia is what I thought hurt the most until they cut my skin open while I was wide awake, how dare them. They did other procedures before they actually started to cut me up and all of them were all painful, literally the worst pain I had ever felt. The sad part was that my mom was there watching all of this happening, I can't even imagine how she felt having to see her daughter go through all of that pain. Relief is what I felt when this horrific nightmare was over, all the blood that was left on the bed and on the gown was just too much for me to handle in that moment. I still had to follow up with some doctor appointments and a daily thing that I had to do along with some medication. 

        Fast forward to today and well i'm better than what I was a year ago, what I have is not completely gone but as long as it isn't causing me any complications than i'm good. I am just worried that someone won't accept me for what I have but if they don't than I guess they weren't the one. You may ask how i'm feeling now, and I am feeling great. Thank you for reading my story and hope to keep writing other stories fictional ones of course :). Have a good day