Therapy Session

The Color of Silence

 Silence. Monochrome. Alone. My world as I lay under the fan, anticipating its blades as they ran round. And around. And around. Ping. I turned my head to look at my mum's old phone buzz and flash, calling for my attention. Silence. Ping... ping. I closed my eyes as I grabbed the phone and unlocked it.

Raelyn Today at 2:34AM

Hey Cam, feeling any better??

Cam?

Cam are you okay?

Cameron Today at 2:40AM

Hey

Raelyn Today at 2:40AM

Hey! There you are ;w;

Are you okay?

Cameron Today at 2:41AM

... I'd be lying to you if I said I was.

Raelyn Today at 2:41AM

Cam... I wish I was there to hug you つ'Д')つ

Get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning.

Night night sweet dreams xx

Cameron Today at 2:43AM

Night.

I turned off the phone and looked back up at the fan in silence. Alone.

The sun burned. It's blazing gaze seared into my tanned skin. They were shouting again. Fighting. I stood there watching my friends shove at each other, my school bag digging into my shoulders, as their arguing got louder. I looked around. Where was the teacher? It was always like this. We weren't the same anymore. Fighting over petty things. I should have stopped them. Maybe we'd all still be friends if I said something, if had I spoke up. They were walking away from each other now. Both in tears. I turned and reached out. But my movements were sluggish. I opened my mouth. But no words came. I was tied back, caught, transfixed in a web of my own insecurity. Everyone walked away in their own directions, repulsed as if they were opposite ends of a magnet. I stood there and looked up at the blazing sun. Alone.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to cut the glare of the blinding fluorescent lights which bounced off the shiny green, nauseating tiles. Before me, the hallway stretched endlessly, the walls closing in standing imposingly. Standing proudly. The metal lockers creaking open and slamming shut like the doors of prison cells. I remember this. I remember the high school atmosphere, the wafts of deodorant, the sweat, the stale food... the sensation that I couldn't ignore, that off icy glares that bore holes into my back. Those judgmental opinions that built walls and separated me from everyone. I remember telling myself one more year. One more year and then you're done. Just like how I remember telling myself last summer that they'll come back. Hah. Yeah right. I remember being alone.

I blinked slowly, the tears and sleep in my eyes made everything a grey blur. I grabbed my mother's phone and covered my eyes as I turned it on. Through the bright light I read the time. 5AM. Typical. But that would mean she's still awake I thought to myself as I ran my forearm across my face.

Cameron Today at 5:03AM

Morning...

Raelyn Today at 5:04AM

What are you doing up!? It's like 5AM for you

I'm not happy >:[