Jayla (My Story)

Positive

       When I got home I ran up and hugged mama. Jerry got out to introduce himself to her.  I said bye and went inside. I didn't want mama to see the burns on my arms. It was the only time in my life that I was glad Jess wasn't there. She had moved out to Lagrange with her boyfriend. Jena is now married. Yes at seventeen she is married and she is about to pop at six months pregnant.
    Gosh it doesn't seem like a year had pasted since we went horse back riding with Rob her then boyfriend. He seems like a nice guy and acts like he loves her but I know all to well things aren't always what they seem.
I miss my sisters very much. I didn't think I would ever see the day I was glad they weren't around. I'm not one to tell my problems I never have been. I didn't want to drag the ones I love into a bad situation. They had lived through enough without having to deal with my drama as well.

I quickly found the gauze and salve and grabbed a shirt with three quarter sleeves. I went to the bathroom and covered the burns. Some were hurting but the ones I was worried about was the two I couldn't feel. They were bad and I knew it. I probably needed to go to the hospital but I wasn't going to do that so I doctored them. I put on the shirt luckily it was just long enough to hide the bandages and went back into my bedroom to pack a bag. It was Father's Day and I was going to my (b) Dad's house. I hear mama come in and I went to the window to make sure they were gone. Thank you lord. I thought when I saw the car was no longer in the driveway. I almost expected something to happen but now I could relax.

"Jayla I swear from now on if you are leaving this house I will know where you are going. I don't care if your just going to the store I will take a pic of the person your going with the car and the tag number. Your not gonna do what your sisters have done to me." Mama yelled at me.

" OK mama" I said laughing

" I don't care if you...What?" She stopped mid sentence confused. I know she was expecting me to argue with her but I just didn't have it in me I could sit and listen to her fuss at be all day and it wouldn't matter. And by what she knew she had every right to. I was just happy to be home.

I'll let daddy know when he gets here so he can strike a pose." I laughed mama gave me her I'm serious look. " I love you mama and I'm sorry. It'll never happen again." I said and kissed her cheek as I went to lay on my bed I was exhausted and still very sore.

Before my (b) dad got there mama got a phone call from my aunt Julie.

" Oh God no." I heard mama say  she fell back on the couch crying on the verge of a nervous breakdown it looked.

"Mama what's wrong? What happened?" I asked trying to stay calm for her.

" God no please no not Benny." Mama screamed. Benny is my aunt Julie's son and Mama's baby.

" What happened to Benny Mama?" I asked

" Matt and Julie went to see him since it's Father's Day and when they got there Janice told him he had went out to the barn. Matt went out and found him sitting with a rope around his neck. It was to late." She told me between sobs.

" Omg is uncle Matt ok?" I asked
My uncle Matt wasn't Benny's biological Father but he was the only Father Benny knew. I couldn't imagine what he must be feeling.

" They are as good as can be expected." Mama said. "The police are doing an autopsy because the barn is only six foot tall and Benny was almost seven foot."

The autopsy came back that it was suicide. My family still has a hard time believing it. Benny loved life he was only twenty seven  years old and he had two little boys but he had been known to do drugs and that makes people do things they wouldn't normally do. I guess no one wants to believe that someone you love has gotten so tired of life that they could take their own. No one even knew what could have been going on that would make him want to do that. I guess he was secretive too can't say much about that.

The funeral was a very hard thing to deal with. Such a young guy with so much life ahead of him. The life of any party. A life cut way to short. My uncle Matt and aunt Julie weren't happy with some of the song choices. Benny liked his rock and not very much gospel so that is what they played. One of the songs was Eric Clapton Tears in heaven. My uncle Matt is a preacher and he completely misunderstood the song. He got mad and said that Benny did belong in heaven.
It was a hard thing to deal with all the way around.

It had been two months now. It's still hard knowing Benny won't be around with his craziness anymore but we all hold tight to his memory. I have came down with something I don't know if it's the flu or stress but I keep getting sick. I can't eat I'm tired all the time. I don't know but I hope it goes away pretty quick.
    The burns on my arm are healed all except for one. It looks alot better but its no were near healed. The other five are scars now.

Tonight me and mama are going to aunt Julie's house to babysit for her to work. She sits with an elderly man in the evenings and mama goes to help her with her grandbaby which she is now raising.  Mama's been helping her for months now so she doesn't have to take Katy with her. I was staying by myself but now mama won't leave me at home afraid I'll run off. If she only knew.

After we ate dinner Julie was going to her daddy's house to check on him. She asked if I wanted to go and I said yes. Its had been awhile since I'd seen my pawpaw. As I walked in the old house I saw him laying on the hospital bed in the living room I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck.

" Hey pawpaw." I said

" Hey PawPaw's baby." He was looking at me confused. " Jayla?" He asked

"Ya pawpaw it's me." I replied smiling at him. Everyone of his grandkids were PawPaw's baby.

" Wow you grew up over night." He said

" Well I got older that's for sure but I don't know how much growing I have done." I told him laughing.

" You put on some weight too." He said grinning

"Pawpaw you don't talk about a woman's weight" I said to him slapping his arm playfully

" Your not a woman your one of PawPaw's baby so it don't count." He said patting my back.

" Well I'm not a man." I said.

"No but you were supposed to be." He said and we all laughed.

We stayed and talked with him about two hours. He asked about life and boys. I filled him in on everything except the bad parts. No one knew about that and I aimed to keep it that way.

On the way back to Julie's house I got sick and she had to stop the car. I didnt think I was gonna stop throwing up.
" Jayla mama said you haven't been feeling good lately now your throwing up. I know you stayed with that boy awhile ago. I think you should take a test." She said. " I'll take you to the house and run to the store to buy meds and bring to you"

Just hearing the word test made me feel sick again. No way. I can't be I have so many plans. I want to be a psychiatrist and I'm not even out of high school lord don't let me be pregnant. I'm on the pill but the days I was with Jack I didn't have them with me. I started to panic I felt dizzy. Mama's gonna kill me.

" look Jayla we won't tell mama anything just take the test it may be nothing. Then if it's positive we will make an appointment with the health department." Julie said.

She dropped me off and went back to the store. I was in the bathroom getting a shower when she came back. She brought the stuff in the bathroom and sat it on the sink. After I finished the shower and dried off I sat on the toilet and said a silent prayer. I took the stick from the box did my business and sat it back on the sink. While I waited I got dressed and put gauze back on the one burn that just refused to heal.  I picked up the stick and my whole life changed.....

It's positive.