For My Love

Part 1

So going back to the beginning. You walked into the bar that afternoonwith Caroline and Abby and those other two girls in their group whose names I can'tremember. It was the second time I'd seen you and again I was struck by howattractive you were (and still are). I went over to join the group partly toget to talk to you and partly because there were so few girls that were in theforces with us and of them, even fewer that were my age and seemed like fun tohang out with and go out with. Besides never having a romantic relationship ofany kind I've also never had a close knit group of girlfriends and Idesperately wanted that as well, needless to say that my "stealing" you fromAbby that night did not make us friends for life, but that's a small price topay to have you. When I first walked over to the group I only started talkingto the girls, I was way too nervous to talk to you and worse than nerves I wasworried that you'd somehow immediately see my interest in you and be repulsedor creeped out by me. Never in my life did I think that someone as handsome asyou would be interested in someone who looked like me, let alone be attractedto me and my personality. It had been a few months since I'd gotten over a guywho had been leading me on for the better part of a year (and had had agirlfriend for at least three months of that time, I found out when during aheated drunken make out session in the basement at our unit's Christmas partyhe got a text and then said "I have to go, my girlfriend just got here") soafter that utter fiasco and heartbreak I really wasn't looking for anythingserious.

Our group was standing next to a few pool tables and there was a middleaged couple playing a game at the one nearest to us. They were both extremelygood players, I was watching them a bit cause I'm terrible at pool and one ofmy goals that summer was to become sort of good at it. When they finished theirgame they approached our group, the woman was friends with the girls, and askedif any of us wanted to play doubles. You said that you did and asked Abby ifshe wanted to join you. She said no. I said I wanted to play, it meant I mightget to talk to you a bit and if nothing else, at least I would be able topractice my pool game.

The first round we played against the couple went by quickly, they wereway out of our league game wise and we didn't really talk much afterintroducing ourselves. But they offered to play us again and you said yes butfirst you wanted to get yourself another beer, you were drinking Rickard's Red.Now you tell me it's your favourite beer because it's the one you were drinkingwhen we first met, god I love how corny you can be. When you came back you werealso carrying a Smirnoff ice that you had gotten to replace the one I hadfinished. I was truly surprised that you had bothered. At the time I automaticallyassumed you were just being polite or that this was some kind meaningless poolthing, it didn't even cross my mind that you might be as interested in me as Iwas in you. During the next very short game of pool we began to talk a bit, youwere so kind and polite, nothing at all like I thought you'd be which says alot about my choice of men up until you and really only reinforces my belief infate bringing us together. How else can I explain all of my monumentallyterrible relationship instincts leading me to you? After our second completeand utter loss the couple we were playing decided to take a break but you askedme if I wanted to continue playing one on one. I agreed and said I'd go get thenext round. I remember how surprised you were when I said that.

Your eyes widened and you asked "Really? You want to buy me a drink?"

I shrugged "Yeah, it's only fair right, you got me one."

I didn't see it as odd or out of the ordinary at all. I'd grown up in avery large metropolis and I'd learnt that no matter how much you liked a guy itwas a bad idea to let him buy you your drinks, you never know how the night'sgoing to go and you don't want to give a guy a reason to think you owe himanything. Of course, you're not the type of man to ever think that but mymother always said it's better to be safe than sorry. Not only that, she alsoinstilled a strong sense of independence in me that made me unwilling to allowanyone to pay for anything for me. To this day you and I take turns paying forour meals, our movie tickets, even gas. You say all the time that you love thatabout me, how I don't expect you pay for everything just because you're theman, and how you love that our relationship is truly one of equals. I lovethose things too, and I love that because we're not dependent on each other outof necessity I know I don't love and want you because I need you, I need youbecause I love and want you. I suppose for some people that might not be a bigdeal but for me it makes a world of difference.