Failed attempts and a new begining.

Chapter one.

I’m never going to be good enough. I know that. There’s not a whole lot anyone can do to help a broken teenage girl that wants to stay broken. I do my best to ignore my family, to not be seen at school and not make friends. I push everyone away as soon as they speak to me. I have horrible grades so I have nothing to help me get through my life in the future. I guess that’s why I’m here. I didn’t think life was worth living anymore. There was no point in living if I didn’t have a future anyway. I wanted to die. I tried everything but nothing worked. Overdosing, anorexia, cutting, nothing worked. Some stupid person in my family had to come and save me and be a stupid gallant hero in tin foil. They’d gloat about how they saved their dear daughter or the niece or something. They couldn’t see I didn’t want to be saved.

Here I stand, on the end of a jetty, on the windiest, coldest most miserable day of this year. Waves crashing against the pylons holding the wooden structure up, spraying cold salty water on me. I shivered. I looked over the edge. I jump and those waves carry me into the rocks of the marina. I’m helpless to try to stop them. I can’t swim. I jump in I’ll be vulnerable, I’ll be swept away, I’ll be dead.

I climbed slowly onto the rail. I was shaking. Nothing I had tried yet had been this violent. It was daunting standing on the top rail. Clearly seeing your fate, seeing what is to engulf you in its cold dark embrace and never let you go. Foot steps sounded behind me. I turned and saw someone on the jetty. I didn’t know them. I didn’t care. This was my time and I was going to do it. I took a long shaky breathe filled with salt air. I loosened my grip on the rail and poised my body to jump. I bent my legs and leapt off into oblivion.

My arm was pulled in an odd direction. I cried out in pain. I sucked in air into my lungs. My mind went into overdrive. I shouldn’t be able to breathe. I should be under those waves being tossed around like a rag doll not suspended by my arm and breathing. I opened my eyes and saw the waves a few mere meters below me. My wrist was trapped in some ones hand. I looked up and my eyes landed on yet another tin foil knight. I was hoisted back onto the jetty and I landed with a thud on the wet wood. “What was that for!” I cried. The boy that had lifted me from my end tilted his head in such a way that his hair shielded his eyes and covered his forehead. “What do you mean? I just saved your life!” he said. I shook my head.

“No you didn’t! You brought me back to the life I don’t want!” I yelled. I tried to stand up and climb back over the rail. I felt a strong grip around my waist and the boy pulled me back.

“You don’t know what you’re on about” he whispered. He started dragging me away from the end of the jetty. I tried to get out of his grasp but it was a pointless effort and instead I succumbed to long awaited tears.

Finally his grip was lessoned from around my waist until it was completely gone. I fell to the ground and lay there on the cold concrete. What’s the point of getting up? There in none. Another failed attempt. I felt myself being pulled up once again and I didn’t fight. I was picked up in some ones arms and carried bridal style into a warm place. Heavy material was wrapped around my shoulders and a bang rand in my head as the sound of a door slamming was slammed beside my head.

I felt like I was blind. I was staring straight ahead. Not really looking at anything in my haze. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and tried to rid my face of tears and salt. I sniffed and blinked a few times. My eyes cleared and I was able to see clearly again. I was in a car, wrapped in some ones jacket. A boy was sitting in the driver’s seat. He was tall, you could tell from the way he was sitting, with sandy blonde hair that curled at the tips and got in his eyes. He had gorgeous deep blue eyes. He gripped the steering wheel, his knuckle white, and he rested his forehead against his hands and was looking at me out of the corner of his eyes.

I had just gotten this boy involved in my failed attempts to commit suicide. I have to say something. “I’m sorry” I whispered. He raised his head from the wheel and looked at me.

“Do you understand what you were doing?” he asked. He looked at me, his eyes sad and old. It’s people like this boy that make my faith in humanity want to push its way to the surface again.

“I did. I’m sorry you got dragged into this” I was. This boy risked his life to save mine.

“You shouldn’t have tried to do it. There’s more to life than what you think. Make me a promise? For saving your life” he said. He was right. I do owe him. He was a complete stranger that made me feel like I want to continue on living. I nodded.

“Promise me, you won’t try it again and” he took a deep breath “Come to me if you feel like you want to do it again.” This guy seems like a nice guy but that was creepy. I sideways glanced at him and he was quick to explain. “I mean, I don’t want you hurting yourself, or anyone for that matter. I can be a friend?” a friend. That’s a term I don’t hear often. I don’t have any. I looked at the boy and nodded.

“Thank you” I said. He smiled gravely at me and turned the car on. The steady hum of the car thrummed to life and he put the car into reverse. “Where am I taking you?” he asked. My stomach grumbled. “A diner” he said before I could answer. The car drove off down the road and a few minutes later parked out the front of a diner.

I hadn’t eaten much in the past week. Just a water cracker here and there and not much else. I probably need to start eating again. I looked over at the boy that saved my life because it was the right thing to do. Not because I was his family or anything, I didn’t even know his name. We entered the diner and the smell was the first thing I noticed about this place. It smelt amazing! I inhaled deeply and grabbed the boy on the wrist and dragged him to a table. “Can I borrow some money? I’ll pay you back, I swear.” I said in a rush. He looked shocked. “Look, I haven’t eaten much of late and I’m starving and seeing as you brought me here…” I let my sentence drift off. The boy smiled. He handed the menu over.

“Go for your life” he said. I ordered and obscene amount of food and was unable to sit still while waiting for it.

“So what’s your name?” the boy asked. He smiled. His smile was one of those cute half smiles guys do when they find something amusing.

“Ryan. And to whom do I owe my loyalty for saving my life?” I said with an accent I hoped was close to British.

“Liam” he replied.

Liam. The boy I owe my new outlook on life to. The boy who changed the way I think. The boy who gave me a friend.