Not So Alone

1- Severed Ties

Why did this happen to me, I don't particularly think I deserved it. I didn't do anything wrong... is confronting someone for speaking badly on your name something that is wrong?

My "friend" had messaged me a screenshot of his girlfriend talking about me because her dad apparently saw me at my job and claimed I was sitting, doing nothing whilst on my phone, while forcing some poor girl to do all the work for me. She basically shit on me saying I was terrible for doing that, when that never even happened? So I confronted her about it asking her not to speak ill of me especially in regards to my job, does that make me a bad person?

He got mad because apparently "she wasn't supposed to know" that he told me? But why would I sit there and let her badmouth me especially about something incorrect, he called me pathetic. I had blocked her after confronting her about it and deleted my conversation with him.

He spoke terribly of his girlfriend to me half the time anyways. I didn't see the issue with her knowing he told me, his best friend, about something that involved me. Why wouldn't he have told me?

But I guess former best friend would be more accurate. He had blocked me on everything. Plus it's not like I spoke to various people often anyways, whenever I did it was always one sided. I would text first... I would have solid responses while they put no effort into the messages. In person it was less like that but I still never felt whole, nor comfortable sometimes. It was like being alone even when surrounded by various people.

I dated someone in the past but he didn't show me he cared about me in the slightest half the time, the conversations were boring and I never felt like I could truly be myself. Which sucked. Bad. Even after we continued to talk and try and sort things out, it got better but just barely. It still didn't completely work out so I stopped trying.

I stopped texting lots of people first and putting more effort than what was returned, and it really showed how alone I truly was.

Sitting on my bed I just flipped through my sketchbook, lost in my dark thoughts.

"Ray are you in there?" I hear a faint voice after a light knock at the door. I quickly regather myself and close my sketchbook.

"Yes Niyah."

I had a habit of sneaking out with my sketchbook and a speaker, I wouldn't go far. Just to the dock in our neighborhood and listen to calming music while I doodle. The view was beautiful especially the sunrise/sunset. Being around nature and truly taking it in always help me feel at peace. Helped me think, and be more tranquil.

"Mom made breakfast, if you're gonna eat." She announces while slowly opening the door and peaking her head in.

Wow our mother cooked? That's surprising.

I give her a weary look. I hadn't slept well and when I woke up I wanted to feel productive but I had no inspiration to draw so I blankly looked through past sketches.

"I'll be out in 10." I whisper as I slowly place my feet to the soft carpet. I had yet to actually get out of bed considering that my sketchbook was always on my dresser beside me so I didn't have to move at all.

Lugging myself to the bathroom connected to my room, I throw my hair up into a loose bun while turning on the sink. I wet my toothbrush, then apply toothpaste and rewet the brush again. I didn't see how anyone could brush their teeth any other way.

After finishing up in the bathroom I let my hair back down. It wasn't long enough to reach the bottom of my back sadly, but it was a good length resting a little below my chest area.

Letting out a deep sigh I trudge downstairs slowly passing various portraits of my family members. The sweet aroma of bacon and french toast enters my nose as I get closer to the bottom of the steps.

My house was quite big. Considering that my mother was the CEO to a large corporation overseas. Which explains why I was so shocked when my sister had informed me she was here actually cooking for her kids. If we're being honest I didn't have the best relationship with my mother but it's not like I despised the woman.

Cautiously entering the kitchen I see my sister settled at the table enjoying her bacon a little too much. She was a fiend for any type of meat. My mom was already out of sight and I grab my plate of food and place myself right next to my sister.

"Gone already?" I ask, not surprised.

"Yeah, she has work to do so she went to her office," She says mouth full of food, "but at least she made this yummy food."

Niyah was grinning with her cheeks stuffed with french toast, it was gross but in a way kinda cute. We have different fathers, and she was two years younger than me so she was a pain in the butt half the time. But I loved her regardless.

"Let's do something." She suggests.

It was Sunday and I wasn't exactly looking forward to going to school the next day but, I had to. So might as well spend my Sunday doing something interesting. My school consisted of middle to high class people with barely any lower class students.

"Like what?" I inquire while finishing off my breakfast.

She shrugs and I roll my eyes, knowing she had no real plan so we would probably end up not doing anything at all.

"Well, I'm going out then if you have no ideas." I say while putting my plate in the sink and heading back up to my room.

I didn't exactly know where I wanted to go, but I'd probably find myself at the dock again, I slip out of my clothing and into my bathroom again. Opening the shower door I turn on the water and let it run and become warm. I hated hot showers, I preferred lukewarm water and then slowly transitioning it to a colder temperature.

Stepping inside I close the door and let out a sigh of relief as the water hits my skin.

I wonder if I'll be alone for the rest of my high school life...

Applying shampoo to my hair I rub my fingers softly against my scalp as I get lost in my thoughts. Things like, "maybe I should just apologize" or "I could just start texting those other people again."

But did those other people actually even consider me a friend?

"Ugh too much thinking." I grunt to myself as I wash the shampoo out of my hair. My hair was black with a dark blue tint that wasn't super noticeable but few people could see it and point it out.

Maybe I should just apologize, I never slacked off at my job so that was insulting but it's not like I even needed a job...

No.

I'm not gonna lower myself just to apologize to some people who obviously didn't care about me as much as I thought they did.

Forget them, I'd rather be alone.

I finish showering after drowning myself in various ideas and thoughts.

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