There was no description of the Land of the Dead in the Handbook for the Recently Deceased, and she knew upon entering that they would never have been able to do it justice. The streets were lined with people from different periods of time. In only a matter of moments she spotted a WWII soldier comparing medals with a Native American. When the Native American ripped out a human scalp the soldier shook his head in defeat. Across the street a woman in Victorian era garb chatted politely with a hippie. There were people that were clearly newer, looking around bewildered at the world around them, and some who wore no more than tattered loincloths that betrayed their great age. There were many people who were only bones and clothing and even more who donned impossible vibrant skin tones, greens, blues, and reds chief among them.
"Am I going to wind up like them?" She murmured to Betelgeuse.
He pulled his hands out of a bushel of fried crickets and stuffed his already bulging pockets with them. "I would love to answer your question, babes, but I think we should start walking away right about now." He said, and he grabbed her hand and dragged her through the streets.
They stopped after a couple blocks and he keeled over, panting heavily and gasping between breaths "Did you see that? He didn't even notice. I could have ripped his shirt right off him and he would have still gone on talking to that broad!" He let a scratchy laugh that sent the rats who were busy rummaging through the garbage scattering off in all directions.
"That's great, but you still haven't answered my question."
"What?" He said with a hearty sniff. "Oh, yeah. If you could keep your pretty lil' face." He shot up straight and tall. "This," He said, gesturing towards her. "is what happened when you died. That is what happened when he died," He pointed to a warped skeleton in a filthy black shroud. " That is what happened when she died, and... that... is what happened to him." He waved his hand towards a fat red ghoul sporting a chicken bib with a drumstick lodged cartoonishly in his throat. Betelgeuse made a disgusted face. "Weird. But you see, it's all very personal."
"Oh." She said. It still didn't totally answer her question, but it was the best answer he'd given her so far.
"A lot of things around here are personal." He said. "C'mon, babes."
They walked in an akward silence for quite awhile until Lydia decided to try and learn more about the spirit she was bonded too."So, what about you?"
"What?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Well, why do you look like that? "
"Well, when a mommy and a daddy-"
"That's not what I meant!" Could he take anything seriously? Here she was, attempting to be civil and take an interest in him, and all he did was be a smart-ass. Once more she asked "Why don't you still look human? Adam, Barbara, and I all look pretty much the same as before. Why are you different?"
"I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." He said, shrugging her off like usual. But she wasn't going to take it this time.
"You've already done that. Now answer my question." Lydia stepped in front of him and looked straight into his eyes. "What happened to you?"
For a moment the psychotic shine in his eyes dimmed and a strangely serious side of Betelgeuse showed. "I..." he cleared his throat. "I don't remember."
"You don't?" She said softly. His eyes, she noticed, were a very light, innocent shade of blue. So strangely friendly.
"No. But if you lean close I'll tell you the one thing I do remember." Hardly hearing the sound of the crowd, she leaned in a little, still focused on his eyes. So understanding. "Closer." He said, now taking up every sense. In the back of her mind, she knew something was wrong, but couldn't put her finger on it. Still, she leaned closer. She wondered if she had been wrong about him. Suddenly, he grabbed the back of her neck and tried to kiss her. Lydia, enraged, electrified her skin and shocked him. It hurt her, but she didn't care.
"Serves me right. How could I have been so stupid? Why else would he want me to lean in?" She thought.
Betelgeuse let out a few choice words. "I thought that would work!"
"What the hell was that?" Lydia demanded.
"Hypnotism, Einstein." He snapped. "I hypnotized you. I shouldn't have to resort to that to get a kiss from my own wife, now should I?"
"I know what you wanted." She said, turning away from him. She set off on her own, fuming. If that had worked, he would have used it to... well, she didn't want to think about it too much.
