Senseless ↠ Peter Parker

42

(Y/N POV)

A tale of sad extremities.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "it was out of line for me to pry into your personal life."

Happy and I were standing outside on the helipad of the tower. I had a small suitcase in my right hand, my hair pulled tightly back to avoid being whipped due to the extreme wind.

"Apology accepted," the man said, "and I'm sorry for being irrational."

"No worries."

As the jet was making it's landing on the platform, the both of us had our minds on one thing from earlier. It wasn't the first time I'd received chicken soup anonymously, but it was the first time it was delivered while I wasn't sick.

It didn't require much thought to know that it was Peter sending the food assortments, but I couldn't help but wonder why he kept it up for a year. I understand that the average amount of time a person needs to get over a break up is around 18 months, we haven't reached that mark yet, but he doesn't seem to want to move on.

"Do you ever wonder what he's doing now?" I said quietly. The turbines from the plane has ceased, and the only sound surrounding us was that of the city beneath.

"I don't, personally," Happy said, "but Ethan's been telling me that you seem to."

"Ethan can't read my thoughts, Hap."

"He doesn't need to."

I pressed my lips into a flat line, and kicked the bottom of my suitcase to get it rolling. I haven't traveled anywhere since Germany, so hopping on a plane to go to Venice scared me.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay to do this?" Happy asked, "I know going back in there is going to be tough."

"It's been a year, and I've been trying to move on. This trip is for business and well-being, I guess."

"I'm still available to come with, are you sure you don't want me to come along?"

"I'll be fin-"

"And your security is my first priority."

"I don't need anything else. I'm grown up, and I can defend myself, but thank you. Use this as your vacation time, you earned it."

The man nodded silently, and watched as I made my way up the stairs to the plane. The reason I said I didn't need security wasn't because I'm older, it's because I can't have anyone see me in the state I'm in.

For months I put up this charade of being 'fine', hoping no one would tell how weak I was on the inside, but over time my health started to degrade. I rarely ate anything, with the exception of chicken soup, and my limits of going outside extended to the balcony of the tower.

Everyone expects me to be like him; they want someone to wear the suit with pride and honor. To be the savior of the world. But I'm not like my father, I never was. It wasn't a bad thing, but he never backed down from anything. I almost didn't get on this plane.

"I thought we were similar, didn't you?"

I sat upright in my chair, my head spinning. I swear I heard him, I swear he was here. It wasn't possible, I knew it couldn't be.

"Hello?" I called out into the empty plane. It was an automatic jet, there were no pilots or staff. The only person on this plane was me, and my seemingly insane mind.

Did I take my prescription? I don't remember the last time I took my pills, or the last time saw my doctor. I was never one to ask for help with anything, and at this point I'm starting to think I should.

"I'm starting to think we're under a curse, right?"

"No, stop- you're not real."

I could hear his voice so clearly, like he was standing right in front of me. I was tempted to turn the plane around, but the voice in my head said something I couldn't stop thinking about.

"Curse?" I whispered. Great, now I'm taking to an person who died a year ago.

"Odd, isn't it? We're given the gift of brilliance, yet have everything taken from us."

"That's not true."

"Then where am I?"

I shook my head, and covered my ears. I needed to shut him out, this wasn't my dad speaking, it was the guilt I had let fester inside of me.

"Go away!" I yelled, "you're not real."

"I'm real to you, aren't I?"

"No! You're d-dea..just stop!"

"You can't even accept the fact I'm gone. Just say it, say what I really am."

"Please, j-just go away.."

"Say it. Admit that the only reason why you let Peter go was because you blamed yourself for what happened to me."

I pressed my eyes shut, my head ringing while the voice tormented me. I didn't want to hear his voice anymore, I didn't want to remember why I lost him. Why I didn't stop him from getting in that car.

"Please...." I mumbled.

I was too scared to open my eyes. I was afraid that if I did, I'd see him standing there. Standing there bloody and bruised, just like how he left this earth.

I fell asleep on the plane, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth with tears in my eyes.

It really was my fault.