We All Fall Down

Walking Travesty

Chapter 2

The sound of footsteps snapped Alex out of his day dream as he sat on his bed, iPod once again playing on full blast. He quickly pulled his hoodie sleeves down as far as he could before his mother's face peered in through the crack in the door.

"Hey, honey, how was your- Oh my god! Alex, baby! Are you alright?" She ran over to the side of his bed and cupped his injured face in her hands. "Who did this to you?"

"No one. I just walked into a railing at school." Alex lied, he couldn't hurt her any more than his brother had done. 

"You walked into a railing?" She asked, she was obviously very sceptical about the whole thing but didn't press any further. "Alex, are you okay?" She looked him straight in the eye and for a split second, Alex considered telling her everything. He considered telling her about the bullying at school, the insults that swamped his mind, the hatred he felt for himself and the way that he mutilated his own skin every day.

"I'm fine."

Those two words made up the biggest lie he had ever told. Of course he wasn't fine. He was far from it, but he couldn't let her know that. 

His mother smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder, 

"Okay, I'm gonna go and make us some dinner. Remember, if there's anything you need to talk about, I'm here to listen."

Alex wanted to believe that so badly but he knew that she'd never understand. 

She left the room and Alex just sat there. He didn't know if he could do this any more. 

He pulled himself off the bed and walked into the hall, stopping outside the room next to his. He reached out for the handle and could almost feel the bile rising in his throat as he pushed the door open to see inside.

His brother's room.

Alex hadn't been in here for weeks but it still hadn't changed one bit. Everything was still in its place, from the old New Found Glory posters to the roughed up acoustic guitar that rested by the bed. Alex's felt like he was being stabbed in the heart as he ran his fingers along the worn out strings.

He picked up the guitar and began to pick at it, strumming random chords before playing one of his brother's favourite songs; Adam's Song by blink-182.

"I never thought I'd die alone, I laughed the loudest, who'd have known..." Alex sat and sobbed, his brother's guitar thrown to the side. "I'm so sorry, bro," 

He pulled up the sleeves on his hoodie to reveal the cuts and scars underneath and cried even more. How could he have done this to himself? He didn't even care any more. He took out the spare razor blade he kept in his iPod case and went to work on the remaining flesh of his arm.

The sight of the blood and the intense feeling of pain distracted him from the sound of his mother's footsteps coming towards the door. He heard at the last minute, sloppily pulling down his sleeves, wincing in pain as the fabric was dragged across the fresh cuts. However, he wasn't quick enough to hide the razor blade.

"Alex, what are you doing in- What the hell is that?" She stared in horror at the blood soaked blade as Alex stuttered and tried to come up with a good explanation. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" It was never a good sign when his mother swore.

She slapped the razor out of his hands and pulled him up by his arm; he cried out in pain and she violently pulled up his sleeves. The blood was streaming out of the cuts as her fingers danced around each one. 

"What have you done?" She cried, tears exploding from her eyes.

"I-I just-"

"Don't you think this family has been through enough?" She screamed into his face.

"Mom, I'm so sorry! I swear to god I'll stop!" He begged but his mother didn't want to listen. 

"You need help, I'm not going through this again, I will not lose another son!" 

With that, she ran out of the room, her sobs drifting back to Alex like knives that wedged themselves deep in his heart.

He'd really fucked this one up.