Calm Before the Storm

Chapter 1

Ange had been the beginning of Chloe's anxiety infested life. As far back as she could remember, her mother had always lied to her, although deep down, Chloe realised it was for her own good, but at the moment hated her for it.
Until the age of five, Chloe had lived with her Grandmother, and actually believed that she was her mother, until Ange came back from medical school, and looked after Chloe herself. This was the first lie she told, the second came much later, when she was about 10. Chloe had never known her father, and Ange didn't like to talk about him, apart from the fact that they didn't need him, and she loved her daughter more than they could ever between them. She was always picked on at school for having no father in her life, and being constantly picked up by her grandmother because of Ange's hectic shift patterns. This pretence carried on until chloe was 16, but three years prior to this she started to experience sever anxiety and heart wrenching panic attacks. She had been prescribed medication to ease her symptoms at the age of 14, but they soon started to stop working. Luckily, Ange helped Chloe through the worst panic attacks, as they'd usually happen during the night, leaving Chloe exhausted and not fit for school in the morning. They had discovered many breathing exercises that helped her, and she soon got it under control coming up to her GCSEs.
Chloe remembers her 16th birthday more than any. The 4th December 2005, it was snowy, and Ange had ordered pizza for Chloe's birthday. As they'd sat down to eat together, Chloe decided to bring up the subject of her paternity once again.
"Mum, I need you to tell me the truth." Chloe stated.
"About what sweetheart?" Ange already knew, but was hoping that it wasn't.
"Who's my father?"
Ange's mind froze, her daughter was old enough to deal with this now, and she was in a good place mentally. "Sweetheart, what I'm about to say does not mean I love you any less that I do, because you are my world and I love you more than anything." She was panicking, her eyes started to well with tears.
"Mum...?"
"I was walking back from town one night in March, and that area was dodgy, I should've known better than to walk alone." Ange took a deep breath and swallowed slowly, avoiding Chloe's eyes "There was a man, and he, he..."
"Mum..?" Chloe's heart rate was rising, her breathing was beginning to get shallow and rapid.
"He raped me."
Rape. That's all Chloe heard. To start with, her heart broke for her mother, but then she got under the skin of what her mother just said.
"I was born of hate, you didn't want me, I was forced upon you."
"No chloe, don't think like that I love you" chloe jump up off her chair from the table, trembling, digging her fingernails into the palms of your hands.
"All you've done my whole life, is lie to me." She turned and ran up the stairs, angry and shaking.
"Chloe...wait" but Ange knew better than to follow her fragile daughter when she was like this, it would just make things worse.
As Chloe reaches the top of the stairs, she made a beeline to the bathroom, with her long nails still digging into her palms, and starting to draw blood. She locked the door behind her and slid down with her back to it. Her slender frame still trembling. The urge came from no where, or maybe a small part of her brain where she'd hidden it before. She saw the razor sitting on the side of the bath, and before she'd even thought about it, had gotten up, pulled down her trousers, and dragged the blades across her thighs. The instant release it gave her calmed her, but the instant regret made her drop the razor on the floor and grab toilet paper to wipe up the blood. And redress herself.
That was the first time Chloe had cut herself. And she'd remember it forever, on her 16th birthday her world fell apart more than it ever had. She avoided her mum for weeks, and would spend a lot of time out of the house with friends. Ange was obviously deeply hurt by her daughters reaction, but buried herself in work.