September 31, 2014
In the middle of the night i found myself screaming into my pillow with tears running down my face. Its hard becasue i knew the exact reason i was doing this. It was because of you and i dont know how to deal with this. You had left and blamed me for your reason on giving up on me. I dont see how i was the reason you had given up on me . All i did was care about you and love you with all my heart. That wasnt good enough i guess because you didnt mind leaving it was so easy for you. I remember the words that you said when you decided i didnt mean anything to you no more. Goodbye that word had been on repeat in my head for days . Goodbye goodbye goodbye, this word had been writen across my heart in permenant ink that wont fade away. Now when you said this word i could literally feel my heart breaking piece by piece. You saw me cry and all you did was frown and walk away. How could you leave me when i needed you the most? Just when i started to become happy again it all had eruptured in my face and now im just not even happy one little bit. You made me happy, you made me be able to put a smile across my face and not fake it. The hard thing about it is, is that everyone knew it would happen and all i wanted you to do was prove them wrong but you didnt you couldnt. I cant even describe it i just dont even know anymore. All i know is that i am heart broken and you are gone.
- t.b
October 2nd,
I saw you today. You looked so happy like nothing had ever even happened. I dont know how you can act that you didnt leave. I guess i wasnt important to you and it hurts to think that. You told me you cared and i believed you. Its just hard to believe that maybe everything you ever said to me was a lie and i cant take that because i dont want to believe that. There is a smile across your face when i see you it shines so much brighter than it use to. Its kind of hard to think that you could be happier off without me . I cant even imagine these things because its just gonna hurt me even more. You cant do this to me you cant just come into my life and be my everything and then just leave out of no where and think i will be okay. At school its so hard to see you because when i do i feel horrible like i am being punched in the stomach . I cant breathe , i am gasping for my own air and all i want to do is just fall to the ground and cry so hard. But i cant not in front of everyone i cant do that to myself i dont want to seem weak even though i know i am . So i just wait till i get home so i can think of you and just drown myself in the tears of my sorrow . I know that thinking about you is not going to do me any good but maybe if cry my tears will let some of the pain set free and maybe it wont hurt as much as it does right now.
- t.b
