Chasing The Dream

Chapter 15

Alex's POV

I'm sitting in the hospital waiting room with Kat's family, Mackenzie, Blake, Aubrey, Elizabeth, Meredith, Connor, and Drew. The doctor still hasn't come out to give us any news. And it's been four hours. I don't know if she's dead or not. But the last time I saw her she was dead.

When everyone got to the hospital there were so many tears. Even Connor and Drew cried. I was all out of them. I know I'm a dude, but my heart literally feels broken right now. Like someone just ripped it out.

Not knowing what was going on is killing me.

Finally the doctor comes out looking comepletely exhausted and frazzled. He could definitely use a shower and some sleep.

All of us jump up at once eager to hear the news. The doctor walks over to Kat's parents and starts talking to them. At first they seemed relieved, but then the doctor says something else and the relief is lessened.

The doctor walks away, probably to get some coffee.

"She's alive." Kat's mom, Michelle says. I breathe out a sigh of relief. I'm so happy she's alive. When I saw her covered in blood and not responding to the CPR I was terrified she was gone forever. However I felt a but coming.

"But...she's in a coma. They have her on life support right now." Michelle finishes. My relief is washed away by worry. Life support. She's so close to death that they have to put her on life support. At least she's alive, I think trying to look on the bright side. It wasn't working.

"Oh god. When can we see her?" Mackenzie asks, trying to hold in her tears. She was failing and they started streaming down her face. I wanted to provide a little bit of comfort to her, but I didn't know how.

"You can go see her right now if you want." David, Kat's dad, says quietly. Mackenzie walks away with David and Michelle. I felt a little hurt that they let Mackenzie go first, but she was pretty much Kat's sister. It just makes sense.

A few minutes later they come back. Mackenzie is openly crying and that doesn't get my hopes up.

Michelle gestures for me to follow them. I stand up hesitantly, wondering if this is a good idea or not.

We walk into the room and the first thing I see is a still form covered in gauze and bandages, they are hooked up to a bunch of different gadgets that are keeping them alive. I slowly walk over hoping that this person isn't Kat. My hopes are dashed as I see her beautiful face framed by gauze around her head. She looks dead.

I slowly sit down in the chair beside her bed and cover my face with my hands. I take deep breaths in and out to keep the tears at bay.

I wish it was me lying in that hospital bed. I should have been driving in front of her. I should have been hit. I should be the one on the brink of death.

But I wasn't. Instead it was the girl I love. The girl I wanted to start a family with. The girl I wanted to wake up next to every morning. The girl I wanted to say "honey I'm home" to when I get off of work.

I didn't realize I did start crying until Michelle wiped the tears off of my cheeks. I look up at her and she gives me a small smile to try to reassure me. I don't know if she was trying to reassure me or herself though.

"What's wrong with her?" I ask quietly. As soon as it's out of my mouth I wish I could take it back. I don't want to hear how bad her injuries are. But it's too late.

"Broken ribs, serious concussion, fifteen stitches on her head from a gash, small stitches on her arms and legs from glass, collapsed lung, and there's a very good chance she won't be able to have kids due to the wound to her stomach." David answers queitly. I can tell it kills him to describe the damage to his daughter.

Unable to have kids.

For some reason that sticks in my mind. If she ever woke up and we got married we won't be able to have kids. That seriously disappoints me, I want to see her grow bigger as she carries our child. I want to see them grow up and I want to be a good father and help them make the right decisions. I want a daughter with their mother's big brown eyes and her silky brown hair. I want a son that looks like me and his mother, I want to teach him how to play sports. I want a family with Kat.

But that's now impossible.

I get up from the chair and walk back out to all of our friends in the waiting room. I don't try to cover up my tears. It's pointless. I know I should be a man and suck it up, but I just can't.

One by one people go to see Kat. And every single one of them returns with tears in their eyes.

The hospital just gets to be too much and I leave to go drown my sorrows in beer.

When I get to the bar I immediately order a beer and quickly drain it, already in the process in getting another one. A few beers later I get up to walk around a bit. It was already eight o'clock at night, I had spent my entire day at the hospital.

I walk outside into the fresh air and sit down on the curb. I sat there for about two hours just staring off into space until Connor came and got me.

At this point I was so tired I didn't put up a fight. I just let him take me home.

For the entire car ride we don't talk. There isn't much to say. Both of us know that if Kat doesn't wake up we won't find a new lead singer to replace her. No one could replace her. So the band would have to quit and all of us would have to quit our dream and live a normal life.

We pull into my driveway and I get out of the car and give a half-hearted wave towards Connor.

I walk inside and my mom immediately engulfs me in a hug.

After she releases me I go up to my room and strip down to my boxers and climb into bed. I toss and turn until 3 o'clock in the morning when i finally fall into a restless sleep.

For the next few months I barely talk to anyone, and I barely eat and sleep. I have basically become a shadow if my former self. Every day I find it harder and harder to keep living without Kat. Some people are saying it's time to move on and that she's not coming back. I have slowly begun to believe them.