The Contract

****** ATTENTION********

I wrote this short story to illistrate to people about the dangerous side of people with depression. I DO NOT  PROMOTE SUICIDE!!! This is not a promotion of suicide. If you even remotly feel like my character I can not stress how much it helps to just tell someone. If you want to leave nasty messages about how I must be a sick person "advertising" sucide, let this be a warning, your comments will be deleted.

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The dark abyss swarmed around me as I tried to escape from my own mentality. Large black walls towered over me blocking me from each direction. The dead of night hung over my head while the slither of the moon casted eerie shadows over my body. There I stood shaking, not from the coolness of the night air, no, but from the fear that trapped me, rooted to the ground. Distant voices echoed through my head. A shout, no, a scream bounced around the walls enclosing me in. They try to help, but they only make it worse, comparing their life to yours as if they understand the shredded mentality that you’ve lived with. The bigger picture they yack on about had been taken down from its hook and sent through the wood chipper along with my future and basic grasp of the world around me.

A warm breeze whipped through the remnants of the hair I long ago pulled from the roots over the endless torture of pain and suffering that I witnessed every day. The breeze touched me, bringing up long lost memories of the days that my mother had once touched me in such a light caring way. It brought butterflies to my stomach and tears to the edge of my eyes. My fingernails reached around to my shoulder and drug in till small droplets of blood pooled underneath. How dare I be so weak the cry over a missed feeling from so long ago? I had taught myself better than that. People see what’s on the outside. No human cares enough to delve inside to see the soft mushy interior that makes up each human being. No a smart person would hide their insides from pushy noses and prying eyes. A smart person would paint their outsides with steel, sealing in their inner being from the dangerous outside world.

Countless of times I had been sent to strangers that expected me to peel away my outer steel layer and present to them my deepest secrets. Strangers were not to be trusted; no one was to be trusted. Do you remember the stories taught to you when you were growing up, learning about the big, bad, nasty world that laid outside the warm interior you called home. The stories of nasty men driving around in white vans with dark windows telling you that bags upon bags of you upmost desires would be yours if you were to simply hop inside the van. Yet, it was perfectly safe to tell a complete stranger who you were paying top dollars per hour, all of the factors in your life that you had kept so heavily locked away behind bars with multiple life sentence hanging over its head. Well I let them waste their money, the couch were comfortable and the drinks were free, most care I received in a long time, it doesn’t matter to me that it cost an unsuspecting fool half their life savings to fund.

A light appeared above my four walls that I had become accustomed too. A dim ray of sunlight peaked through the endless scroll of storm clouds patterning the sky. The walls bore not a single place to hold onto as each attempt of scaling the walls left my body crumpled on the ground covered in new scratches and clumps of earth attached in various places. There is no escaping this torture, these four walls are my oldest friends, I’ve started here and it can only end within my prison. These rules are not up for negotiation. The dotted line was signed and dated before I could even voice my own opinion.

It’s not as hard as you think. There are several ways of completing your contract. Be creative. Be inspiring to the next generation; allow them to focus on the important factors while you sever the rope pulling them towards your own hole. Tie the rope, cut the rope, drench the rope or pull the rope apart. It’s your decision, the biggest decision that you’re allowed to make in your life. Don’t throw the endless possibilities away rather embrace this simplest of abilities you have been granted. Take the step over the edge, whether you actually make contact with the ground below is entirely you choice but make it memorable as this is your finale.