If You're Thinking of Dying

Listen here dear

You died in December. I have to remind myself of this, because its August, and I just woke up in a sweat. I cannot stop crying. Look, here they come again, my tears. Look at what a mess I've become.
If only you could see me now. You would've stayed. Wouldn't you? Because only a heartless person would wish this type of pain upon me, and I know that it isn't you.
It hurts so bad.
I just want to sleep, but I'm sweating and shivering at the same time. I can't breathe through my stuffy nose and my mouth is screaming at you. If only you could hear it.
why
IT'S NOT FAIR
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
why
tell me why
ANSWER ME
Now it's 3:20, I have one notification, I wonder who it is.
Of course, there you are again, looking at me through the screen. Someone else commented on your memorial post. See, it's not just me.
You should've seen the line up at your funeral, it stretched across the hall. Every kid had something to say about you, all nice, all with tears in their eyes.
Maybe you don't realize the pain you will cause. By making a horrible mistake, that will be your last.
Tommorow is a new day
I want you to see it
I want you to be in it

But if you're thinking

You don't understand, I can't take this anymore, every single day is a chore. No one would care, but even if they did, I'd be gone, I don't have to deal with this. I've seen things you'll never see. I've been places one should never have to be.

Sweet child, DO YOU NOT KNOW? All the knots in your stomache, the chains around your neck, the tiredness that makes you feel like you're drowning... It's really, truely, not forever.
But do you know what is?
Death.

FIGHT I'M BEGGING YOU FIGHT
THINK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER
THINK ABOUT YOUR FATHER
YOUR FRIENDS
YOUR FUTURE BEST FRIENDS

Excuse me for sounding desperate, I do that when I might lose something precious.

Think about little you, chubby cheeks and round shoes. Would you murder her? Her potential, her giggle, her small warm embrace? This child is still you, only older now. I don't care what you've done and I promise your suffering is almost over. Let her live.

As I type this I wonder what your name is, I wonder how you feel, I think I can imagine, but I know you're real.
Don't ever think no one will cry for you
because believe me, I do.

I don't think you really want to die, you just need an escape.