Behind Curtains

Kabanata 38

Kabanata 38

Placebo

I got back just in time to see my Lolo off. It felt like fate when I didn't really mean to come home that early. Saktong pag-uwi ko noon ay umuwi din ang Tita ko galing UK, kaya naging sunod-sunod ang mga plinanong gala at kasiyahan. Hindi ako parati na sumasama, I just go sometimes to show respect.

Nagpasya lang talaga kaming tumulak noon dahil Father's Day na kinabukasan at hindi naman buong angkan ang dadalo. Advanced celebration kumbaga na kami-kami lang. Kaming anim na buo, kasama ang iilang pinsan at si Tita Helena na galing UK, kasama ang isa sa tatlong pinsang anak ni Tita na nasa Pilipinas pa.

Hindi pa sana ako sasama noon, pero napilitan nalang dahil na-tiyempuhang brownout ang bahay. And it was a weekend at the beach when... my grandfather decided to leave us.

Noon ko lang natanto na kaya siguro may mga masasamang pamahiin ukol sa mga paunang selebrasyon. Madilim na pangitain. It was also then that I remembered... that whenever you're out in the open, you are always, always left defenseless in the face of the Universe' fit. Pala-isipan pero basta-basta nalang na nangyayari. Tila paalalang, sa mundong ito ay wala kang lubos na kontrolado.

Like a reminder that you may have control over your own feelings, your own thoughts and your own decisions, but everything that came after those ay napaka hirap nang panghawakan.

That's why beyond our plans, on that fateful day, my grandfather let the sea take him the same way it raised him. Brave, rebellious, stubborn and strong. Wala kaming nagawa.

Lolo's passing was a death both tragic and quiet. It left most of us scarred that we needed to have short debriefings while we were getting busy for his funeral. And although we all know that death was inevitable, it still wasn't something anyone can easily come to terms with. Especially since it was just four months after his latest successful bypass operation then. And everyone was complacent, because he had just fully recovered and stayed closely monitored.

He was just in his early 80s and was still very energetic and generally very healthy enough to live longer than that. Pero ganoon pa rin ang nangyari. Nalingat lang kami sandali, bigla ay wala na siya. No CPR or rush to any Emergency could bring him back to us. And since he'd always been the life of the party, his eternal absence left the widest gap. And the person who really felt all of it... the person who got hit by his loss the most... was, obviously, my grandmother.

Malakas at malamig ang buga ng aircon sa opisina ni Attorney Amor. At isang tanong lang ng apelyido ay naigiya na ako ng isa sa mga sekretarya patungo sa mas pribadong opisina. Ningitian ko ang lahat sa pagpasok, pero ang prayoridad ng mga tingin ko ay si Lola.

My grandmother was just in her batik daster, shaking slightly beneath a thick shawl as she sat quietly on her wheelchair. Katabi niya ang mga Tita ko na ningitian ako at binati pero mas interesante ata ang pinag-uusapan kaya hindi na muna ako tuluyang pinansin. I walked carefully towards my grandmother and crouched a bit to hug her.

Mayumi niya akong ningitian. "Ang ganda mo, Lala..." tahimik niyang saad at maingat na tiningnan ang mga suot kong alahas.

Gusto kong humalakhak sa napansin pero ayoko namang maka-agaw ng atensyon. Dahil maliban sa mga suot na hikaw at isang may diamanteng singsing na galing kay Mommy, at kwintas galing kay Tita Helena, ay galing kay Lola ang suot kong mamahaling gintong relo at singsing na bulaklak ang disenyo. Ako ang isa sa mga unang nakatanggap ng mga sikretong pamana niyang ganoon.

We grinned toothily at each other before I sat on the other vacant seat beside her. May sasabihin na sana ako nang sunod-sunod nang pumasok ang dalawa kong Tito, kasabay si Attorney. Tumayo ako para mag-mano. They all asked where my parents were, sumagot naman akong papunta na sila.