My Life

October 09th, 2014

I hold up my pencil, I stared at this blank paper. Thinking where should I begin. Minutes when by, I think I'm stuck. I thought I found something was real, but in the end I just got thrown away. Now I'm no longer on full brightness but just a light getting dimmer. I used to know the world was onced beautiful until I know the pieces of darkness scartted on my heart. I'm so lost in this messed up maze, it seems like it will never end.

I feel so alone, feels like nobody cares for me, I'm just a little soul who yearns for true love. Feeling these words with a weird rhythm, I have not hump such a sad rhythmbefore, my heart seems so lost..

Where is this person I'm looking for~why do my pores starts to open up, I'm shivering in the inside, but wears a mask to hide my true face.

I feel so alone, these words seems to be stucked in my head, my hands seems to be cold too. I've got no warmth to feel warm.

October 21th, 2014

I'm a girl who is trying my best to continue living breathing every moment of my life here. I think writing blindly here helps me think about my everyday moves and my past and what should I do in future too. Instead of burning sll those books that I have wrote-it all fills with my thoughts, imaginations amd also everything that made me to have no choice but to write down. I figured maybe I can complete this book and give this book to someone who loves and treasures me most.

October 22th, 2014

No one will ever trully understands me completely. I hate it and dislike it when I feel alone and especially when I have got no one to talk to. That makes me feel I'm not cared for---unloved. I'm tired of letting out tears for guys who doesn't appreciates me. I'm badl hurt, because of my past, because of unworthies guys who have hurt me. They have stole my heart and broke it countless times.

Forgive and I'll get hurt and be broken. I rather not to be exist in this cruek world where I completely don't belong.

So make me stay if you think I'm worth it.

October 23th, 2014

Damn life, if I have a bottle of red wine, I would be gladly to have a glass of it. Nothing would feel better to have a sweet red companion to swirl down my throat. Life sure sucks at this point and no one is going to make it feel better.

"I'm eighteen and I sure could use a warm hug." Even a toddler of age four years old can provide it and not a mature guy or someone the same age as me could.

Blood stain on a toilet bowl, wouldn't it be better if it's blood cut through my skin, veins, slowly dying... "Who's dying?"

Me. "I rather die now."

October 25th, 2014

I thought I could finally count on one to make my dreams come true but it all ended up hopeless.

Wrapped myself up with a thick blanket, leave me alone....leave me be....

I pushed people away once I don't feel right. My life feels like it's so messed up, but still---let me be..

Sorry if that sounded rude, I'm just so cold, fire can't even go against me.

Later..