Dear diary, sincerely me

Chapter 1: First day of school

Dear diary,

     I'm going into the 8th grade and today was my first day. You see my school was a public school but we had to wear uniforms for some weird reason.
When I got there I hate myself for this but I felt like I was just talking too much and all the other kids were just annoyed to be here which I don't blame them. But there was a few reasons I didn't like school myself and one of them was I tend to compare myself to others mostly at school.
There are a few girls in my school I always knew was better than me but there is this one girl, let's call her Lacey, that I always compare myself to. Lacey was kind of a popular girl who was mostly into the arts such a singing, dancing, acting, drawing, and she was so pretty that I grew jealous of her as I went throughout middle school. I would do anything to be like her.
Tomorrow is volleyball tryouts and I'm very nervous because I've never tried out. I really hope I make the team because if I don't I'll look foolish. And honestly I don't know why I am but I promised one of my friends last year I would go. All my friends say I'm so good at it but I just think I'm trash.
That's the thing though. My friends always tell me I'm pretty and guys always have crushes on me, but what if their just lying to be to make my happy and feel better about myself? I've always thought of that because I was never popular and I'm just straight up crazy and annoying and I talk so much. I'm always so insecure about these things because I always think I'm a a burden to my friends? Do I just complain about my insecurities and my thoughts just to get attention? And what's the point of me being here if I'm not good at anything?
That's just why I get so upset at night because I don't want to impress anyone I just want to impress myself.
But that's never going to happen
I also think I like this one boy at my school. We are very close friends and I even went out with him back in 6th grade. But it was just one of those cringe middle school relationships that you only ever text "I love you" but never really mean it. We never even talked to each other at school it was only in text which is why we broke it off.
And it took me two damn years to figure out that I actually like him and I'm ready for a serious relationship and not some cringe middle school one which is why I never really dated over the pass two years.
It took me so long to realize that which is why I think I could be demisexual (means that you only like someone if you have a strong emotional connection).
He's just really funny and we often make jokes and mess around.
The thing is he has a girlfriend that happens to be a close friend of mine and I can never tell them how I really feel. Only one other person know this and they swore not to tell anyone which I'm very thankful for.
I just don't know what to do with these thoughts in my head which is why I made this book so maybe I can get rid of them and maybe some people will enjoy reading what's basically my diary now but that's cool!

           Sincerely, me