Dreaming Dreams of Sunlight and Wildflowers

Admittance

Brett hadn't been sleeping well, and it was worse than the terrible schedule he had to begin with.

Eddy set the food on the counter and Brett hit the same wrong note for the last god damn time. He sighed in frustration setting his violin and bow in their case before he could do anything too sacrilegious.

"Food's here Brett." Brett heard the warmness in his friend's voice and knew his face would be just as welcoming. It was usually something that would make him feel better, but he felt hollow with worry. He didn't want to see that face and still feel the emptiness that Eddy would always fill when music couldn't. He took off his glasses and sat on the couch, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw swirls and dots.

"Hey, Brett?" Eddy's kneeling in front of him now, but he doesn't chance a look even with his glasses off. He could hear the change and he knew it was his fault that worry now lined his friend's face instead of happiness. A touch at his denim clad knee made him jump a little and his hands fell from his eyes. The world was even more blurry than usual, he put his glasses back on and blinked his vision right again. He was right Eddy looked worried and Brett felt both bad and good about it, which made him feel worse about himself.

"What's wrong?" Eddy's brow scrunches before he tries a small smile. "I know it's nothing compared to my Mum's Kung Pao chicken, but I could hardly ask her to send some."

Brett didn't say anything but his face wobbled, and he dropped his eyes back to his lap.

"Brett? Man are you okay? You look tired." Eddy's thumbs massaged the inside of Brett's knees in small circles. Brett doubted he knew he was doing it.

"I'm not hungry." Out of all of the things filling his head came out a blunt lie. Somehow his brain was on autopilot, must've been the lack of sleep.

"Okay." Brett looked softly up, unable to help it. The smile he saw was perfect in the warm artificial light, pastel walls and richly coloured wood floor. It hurt stupidly so. To see something like that and feel as though someone was twisting a cold knife into his stomach. "Go to sleep then Brett." Eddy's hands moved up Brett's forearms and to his wrists, pulling them toward himself. His friend studied his hands, the warmed callouses on the tips of his fingers to the grazes on his knuckles. "You've practiced enough today."

"I can't." Brett sighed, his hands absentmindedly folding around Eddy's larger ones. His mind was in too many other places to focus on, let alone think about that touch and what it meant.

"C'mon, enough violin, you're tired I can see it. I'll bring you some tea, it'll help you sleep." Eddy nodded determinedly, bottled fear sprung a curious leak Brett.

"It won't work. Eddy it won't." Brett snatched his hands away and stood up, his head gave a few dizzying thumps and he swayed. Eddy was off the floor and next too him, a steadying hand on his shoulder like he was an invalid or something. He shrugged the hand off coldly.

"Stop it, just take care of, of yourself." Brett grumbled and walked forward, he didn't know where he was going but forward was good enough for- oh never mind Eddy had turned him around.

"Oh yeah I would, but how can I fit in the time when you keep getting thinner and the bags under your eyes keep getting darker. Jesus Brett I'm worried about you." Brett could see the annoyance in Eddy's face as he looked up at him, probably with a very similar expression.

"Sorry for being such a big baby that you have to take care of all the time. Just stop caring man, it doesn't matter." He suddenly felt both desperate for Eddy to stop caring and to hold him closer. The first was so much easier to bare.