Someone Who Makes Me Laugh

The Blind Date

 I check my phone. Again. It's 2:06. He's running 6 minutes late. I can't decide whether or not I should go ahead and order my drink. What if I'm waiting in line when he comes, and I don't notice him? Would he think I'm blowing him off and leave? I know Kelsey would be so pissed at me if I flaked on this guy. Apparently he is super helpful in her Intro to Programming class, and she can't afford to hire a tutor, so therefore I can't fuck this up.  

2:07. No. I'll just wait. With my luck, if I got up now, I'd just lose the table to some wanna-be-author trying to finish their 'novel.' Then I'd really be screwed. Where would we sit? Outside on the city sidewalk? Yeah, I'm not really trying to stab a dirty needle through my jean shorts into my ass. Or even better we'd sit in my car and he'd want to see if we could hotbox with his vape. 

2:08. That's dumb, Mia. He's not Marcus. Not every guy has fucked away his brain cells. Maybe if I was less judgemental he-- My thoughts are interrupted by a sharp 'ding' as the door to the coffee shop opens. In walks the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I feel myself instinctively biting my lip as my eyes cascade down his body. First, noticing the clipped hair with a few strands gently resting against his forehead. His skin seems so smooth as if he had been dipped in a vat of chocolate, and a deep hunger within me told me that I was gonna lick every inch of it. 

The beautiful man flashes me a smile and starts to walk in my direction. Wow, I'll have to thank Kelsey later. And just at that moment, the door rings again, pulling my attention away from the intoxicating adonis. In the doorway, appears a guy with sunglasses and a crumpled drawstring, his elbow just peaking out the top as he rifles for something. His brow is furrowed and the corners of his mouth subconsciously pull downwards like he can't feel what he wants. 

My attention is brought back to the seductive stranger as he pauses behind the chair across from mine. Before he can open his mouth, his sandalwood scent prompts a deep breath from me. He notices this and chuckles, "Asthma?" Only around men who take my breath away. I laugh off his question, "No, just trying to place your scent. Sorry." His eyebrows raise.

"My scent?"

I feel my cheeks flood. That was such a stupid fucking thing to say. His scent? Dear god, Mia he's not a dog. 

Before I can open my mouth, he tries to diffuse the situation. "It's fine. I was just going to ask you the time."

"The time?"

"Yeah, my phone just died a second ago, and I was trying to decide if  I should drive straight home or if I had a moment to enjoy a coffee before returning to my husband."

I feel a lump in my throat. Of course, he's not here for me. I feebly mumble the time and he makes a quick exit from the shop. Gone with a 'ding.'

"You're not gonna try to figure out my scent, are you? Because something tells me that you'll be disappointed when you realize it smells like your mom's house."  

I whip around in my seat to face the chest of a guy not much taller than me. Sunglasses perched on his hairline and the crumpled drawstring hanging from one shoulder. In his hand, he's holding what looks like a wallet in the shape of a ribeye. He notices me eyeing it. 

"Ah girl, don't worry. This ain't the only meat I got."

Before I can stop myself the words tumble out, "Who the FUCK, are you?"

He frowns a bit, looking slightly taken aback. "Damn, that ain't a very nice way to greet yo date."

Before I even have time to process what he had said, I burst out laughing. Of course. Of course, this is who I got set up with. Of. Fucking. Course. 

He starts looking self-conscious.

"Why you laughing so hard?"

I can't control my breathing to speak, so I hold up a 'one-minute' finger. All of a sudden his face contorts, and he gets mad.

"Man, fuck Kelsey. Tell her to go find a tutor for Programming class. Noel. Out."

He starts toward the door. Oh shit. 

"Wait, wait, wait..."

He turns back around, eyeing me inquisitively. I start to catch my breath.

"Why- why are you so mad dude?"

He squints. 

"Are you playing? You didn't think I saw that shit? You held it up to me." 

"Wait.... what?" Now I'm confused.

He could read the confusion on my face, and as a turn of explanation he held up his thumb and his finger, like he was showing me the measurement of an inch. Still confused, I ask, "What does that mean?"

He starts to get frustrated again, "What do you mean, 'what does that mean'? You're the one who held it up in the first place."

"I... What?"

He rolls his eyes. "You turned around. Saw me. Burst out laughing. And then said you were laughing because of my height."

"Your height? I never-"

"Then what were you doing with your hand?"

It all clicked into place.

"I was saying give me a minute to stop laughing! I wasn't commenting about your height." I hold up the way my hand was positioned in the 'one-minute' pose. Noel is silent as his face goes through all five stages of grief in the span of 10 seconds. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, taping back his balls for the apology he needs to give.

"I am so sorry. I completely misunderstood."

He seems genuine and I give him a smile. 

"It's fine, man. I get it."

He hesitates. "Can I ask why you were laughing then?"

I look at him in shock. "Are you serious? That was the worst introduction I've ever heard in my life! You brought up fucking my mom and your 'meat' in the first five seconds."

He stares back at me in silence. Then the most obnoxious laughter bursts out of both of us at the same time. Tears threaten to spill over,  and if we had already ordered our coffee, it would've been coming out of our noses.

It was as if some director had called 'action' for their super shitty short film about two young people meeting and falling in love in a coffee shop. 

And yet... here we were. The two of us. In a coffee shop.

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