below the surface →︎ trans peter parker

ten

no, this is a bad idea. it is, really, it is. maybe i should just turn around. yeah, i'll turn around and before she notices me i'll be gone.

"hey, peter! wait up." she yelled across the hallway.

it was the end of the school day and me and mj were supposed to talk about something.

something.

"what's up?" i said trying my best to awkwardly laugh away the pain.

"not much. nothing at all, really. what's up with you?" she answered.

"oh, nothing. same old things, some old me. going about life as usual-"

"so what did you wanna talk to me about?" she asked.

oh god, she knows, doesn't she?

"um... why don't we go somewhere better, huh? maybe not so... out in the open?"

"where?"

"the park?"

"peter, thats more in the open than this."

"less people we know. come on."

and we were off. we walked to the park together which gave me time to tale a few breaths.

a good head clearing is what i really needed right now.

"this is nice." i said with a smile.

"what is?"

"this walk. very peaceful."

"peter, we live in new york. it's never peaceful."

"then just take my word for it."

she smiled at that. god, she's beautiful.

we finally got to the park and sat down on an empty bench.

"so, what did you want to tell me?"

"um..." i started. my hands started to get clammy and my leg started to bounce. i let out a deep sigh.

"peter," she looked at me, "you're scaring me."

"um... well i've been meaning to tell you this for a while now, but i never really got the courage to say it so-"

"you like me."

what? no. i mean, yes, 1000% yes, but thats not the point. but it was a good way to get something off my chest.

"yeah. i do. a lot."

"thank god, i've been waiting for that since we became friends."

"wait- what?"

"peter, you're horrible at keeping secrets."

oh shit. i mean, she's not wrong. but did she know about my other secret?

"i also know," oh god, here it comes...

"that you're spiderman."

i started to laugh really bad. this was absolutely not something she could know.

"no, what? spiderman? tiny little freaky me, as spiderman? that really set you back."

"oh, did it?"

"u-huh."

"then why are you fighting the urge to kiss me?"

she really did know. i froze up for a few seconds.

"just do it!"

"ok!" we laughed. and i leaned in.

and it was the best i've felt in a while. her lips were soft and sweet, and she tasted like cinnamon. she was the most gorgeous girl i had ever met and she actually wanted to kiss me.

i don't think a few years ago i would've thought i could feel this again. happiness.

when the depression and dysphoria hit, it consumed me. i was so close to suicide everyday it drove me crazy.

but then i got bit by that spider and became who i am today and suddenly that seemed like a reason. a reason to keep going. i could help people and leave my personal problems at home. it was perfect.

and now i've got a beautiful girl kissing me on a perfect day and life couldn't get better.

maybe it could. maybe if i told her it would all be better. but at the same time, that fear was in the back of my head at this moment. i couldn't care less about it.

right now, it didn't matter. but that might eventually come back to haunt me.

-

authors note

i'm sorry for the short chapter, im at a loss of creativity regarding this book but i kept saying i would update so here it is. i hope you enjoyed, if you checked out what else i just posted you'd see i'm writing a new book on my other account so please please check that out for me.

i hope everyone is ok during this pandemic and everyone stays safe. i love you guys.