2 years ago..
I was wandering around the playground by myself. Not like it's new. Gustong gusto kong mapagisa minsan. I don't know why. Siguro kasi nakakapagisip ako ng maayos pag magisa. Nakakalma din. Pero most of all, ito ang way ko to forget problems. Dito na din minsan ako nagpupunta when i want to run away. Pano ba naman, laging nagsisigawan sa bahay si Mommy at Daddy.
Napa-upo ako sa swing at huminga ng malalim. Hinayaan kong pumikit ang mga mata ko. Alam ko kasing pagod na pagod na mata ko kakaiyak. Pero bakit parang dumilim? I forgot to mention na sunny nung nagpunta ako sa play ground. Unti unti kong binuksan ang mga mata ko. And then i saw a boy. Not just any boy.
"Oh! Ikaw pala Marky! Anong ginagawa mo dito?" i asked.
"I should be asking you that Nikayle. What are you doing here?" so rude. Porket mas matanda pa sakin kala mo na kung sino. Wag kayong maingay sa kanya ha? HAHAHAHA
"Pfft. Sa tingin mo bakit? Marky naman. Parang di mo ako kilala" we decided to cut the formal talk. Ayaw niyang tinatawag siyang kuya kaya ganyan ako magsalita sa kanya.
"Again? Well then maybe i should tell it some other time." He said. Sounding a little bit sad.
"Tell me what?" i asked
"No. Next time na lang. Ayokong makadagdag sa sadness na nararamdaman mo ngayon." he said.
"Nasimulan mo na eh. Sabihin mo na lang. Kung ano man yan. " i said.
He sighed. " Well..."
"Well?"
"Well..i....- uhm. I'm leaving. My parents said i have to go study abroad. I don't know when i'm gonna be back pero gagawin ko lahat ng makakaya para mabalikan ka agad. 1 year? Or maybe after 2 years? I'll try my best!"
PAAAAAK. And then it hit me. I can't help but just stay silent and stare at him. Nararamdaman kong tumutulo na unti unti yung luha ko. Di ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Kung ano ang dapat na reaction. All i know is i'm sad. Si Marky na ang lagi kasama ko. Matagal na naming kilala ang isa't isa. 3 years old pa lang ata magkakilala na kami. Alam niya na lahat tungkol sakin. Alam na alam ko na rin lahat tungkol sa kanya. In fact, siya ang first love ko. Di niyo din naman ako masisisi di ba? It's hard not to fall in love with someone who cares for you every single day of his life.
"Marky.." i finally had the courage to utter his name. " I should be happy right? I mean, i know how much you want to go study abroad. But, why am i not happy? Why am i sad? Or more likely, afraid?" Yes. Afraid. Nasanay na ako na nasa tabi ko siya. Na siya ang tinatakbuhan ko pag may problem ako. I can't imagine my life without him.
All Marky did was stood in front of me silent. Which made me cry harder. "Hindi mo man lang ba ako ico-comfort or ihu-hug? Hahayaan mo lang akong umiyak sa harapan mo?"
"...." He still stood there silently.
"Marco Fernandez! Umiiyak ako dahil sinabi mong aalis ka and you're not doing anything to make me feel better? You know i hate that." i said. Pero parang wala pa rin. Nakatingin lang siya ng parang tanga sakin habang ako naiyak.
"I'll count to three. If you don't talk, you're dead!" i know i'm crying but i have a very strong personality. What can i do?
"One"
"Two"
"Th---"
Hindi ko natapos yung sinasabi ko dahil bigla akong hinalikan ni Marky. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. First kiss ko kaya to! So i just closed my eyes and let him take the lead. Good kisser siya by the way. I bet he kissed many girls before. Pero, as far as i know wala pa naman tong naging girlfriend. Wait, i'm his first to? Now that's fluttering. Medyo nagiging passionate na yata tong kiss ah. I should break free from the kiss.
And so i did. We both gasped for air. I can't help but stare at him. Did i really just had my first kiss with this guy? This guy that i've been admiring for years.
" I love you so much Nikayle. It hurts to see you cry. Lalo na at ako pa ang reason. Kaya hindi ako nakapagsalita. But you were also cute when you said i should comfort you. Even cuter when you started counting from 1 to 3. " he said while smiling and looking straight into my eyes. Seeing that smile up close melts me more. And so i smiled at him as well.
"Is this a confession? Took you long enough. I waited for years dumb ass." i said.
"Sorry na. Hahahah. Upo na tayo. Nakakangalay din palang tumayo." he said then led me to the bench.
We both took our seats. "I have a present for you." Marky said.
"Present? Why? It's not my birthday." i said.
"I know it's not. But i might not be here on your birthday kaya ibibigay ko na ngayon" I can't help but frown while listening to those words. "Don't frown now princess. Smile? Ok? " he said.
"Ok. So, what's the present?"
"Tadaaaaaaaaa"
"A notebook with a lock and a key?" i said.
"Not just any notebook. That's a Diary silly. Kaya yan ang regalo ko sayo kasi i want this notebook to be your companion while I'm gone. Kausapin mo ako gamit to. Tapos, pag nagkita ulit tayo ipakita mo to sakin ha? Hindi mo kailangang mag-umpisa sa day na aalis ako. It's up to you kung kailan mo gusto. Basta ang importante, magamit mo tong Diary na to. Got it?"
"Okay. But you will come back right? " i said.
"Of course i will. Di ko kayang mawala ka sakin." he said.
"I love you." i said sincerely.
"What did you just say? Can you repeat it again?" he said.
"Seriously? Ok. I love youuuuuu." there. Happy? Hahahaha.
"I love you too." And then he suddenly hugged me.
"Come back ok? Promise?" i said while not facing him.
"Yes Nikayle. I will."
Present time
And after that day he left. Without me even knowing. Nalaman ko na lang nung sinabi na sa akin ng mga parents niya. Stupid guy! But i miss him now. Badly. I wonder if he does to? Marky? Asan ka na? Tagal mo namang dumating. I'm still waiting for you.
