'Ryan he won't stop crying. Help me!' my voice is hoarse from lack of sleep and I can hear the slight whine that betrays just how close to tears I really am. I bounce around the room, rocking my 4 month old son. His face is scrunched up and bright red and he's screaming his little lungs out. I bounce him in my arms, whisper soothing words and nothing. My husband, Ryan, comes into the nursery with a bottle.
'here,' he says, passing it to me, 'maybe he's hungry.'
I take the bottle and press it to baby Michael's lips even as I tell Ryan, 'I tried a bottle, I burped him, I rocked him, I swaddled him, I changed his diaper. Nothing. He still screams like there's no tomorrow.' Tears slip out of my eyes and I stand still, holding Mikey to my shoulder. He grasps a few strands of my hair and pulls. I suppress the yelp of pain, but Ryan notices.
'come on babe, give him to me. Go sleep. You haven't slept in a while.'
I shake my head even as Ryan takes Mikey from my arms.
'no Ry, I love you, but you have work in the morning. Let me have him.' i stifle a huge yawn and swipe the tears out of my eyes. Ryan gives me a gentle smile.
'hon, if you don't sleep you'll be miserable in the morning and it'll be even worse. Let me put him back to sleep.' Ryan begins to bounce Mikey around and leans over to give me a kiss. I smile at him and whisper ,
'okay. I'll be in our room if you need me.' I pause at the door and look back at Ryan. He had Michael's face up close to his own, despite the noise level, and was telling the baby something. They both had the same brownish-blond hair and matching blue eyes. I yawn again, this time my jaw cracks and I decide to go to bed.
As I'm lying in bed I can hear Mikey's cries and it slowly kills me. I toss and turn , but I can't sleep as long as I hear him. When I look at the clock I see that only 15 minutes have passed since I left Ryan with the baby. I sigh and get up again.
'maybe he's cold.' I suggest, walking into the nursery. It's cold in the house since we have the A/C going full tilt. Ryan grabs a swaddling blanket and wraps the baby up. He continues to scream, flailing his tiny arms and legs as well. I take the baby back, unwrapping the blanket.
'hand me one of the flannel pyjamas, please?' I gesture to the dresser and Ryan finds one with tiny airplanes on it. I change Mikey rubbing his arms and legs gently. His screaming goes down a few decibels, but he's still crying. I begin to cry now.
'why won't you stop crying? Please baby for mommy.' I'm hiccuping and sniffling in tandem with my son now. Ryan takes the baby and I sit in the rocking chair in the corner.
'alright, sshhh. It's okay. Come on, sshhh.' Ryan holds the baby close to his bare chest and bounces around. I wipe my eyes and sniffle lightly.
'I just don't understand. I did everything the books said. Maybe I'm just a horrible mother.' I sigh and Ryan shakes his head.
'aw babe, you're not a horrible mother. You're exhausted and slightly cranky.' he grins. 'Mikey can sense it. What we all really need is some sleep. Maybe he'll relax if we're relaxed.'
I concede that it's worth a try, so we move into our bedroom, Ryan bouncing the baby all the way. By now, Michael's been up for almost 2 hours and his sobs have turned into hiccuping and sniffling with tears. I lay down and Ryan hands me the baby so he can lay next to me. I pass Michael back and he lays comfortably on Ryan's chest. I roll onto my side and stroke the baby's back, helping to calm him down. Slowly but surely the baby fell asleep. I looked up to smile at Ryan and congratulate him on a job well done, but I was met with his gentle snores. I laughed lightly as Mikey let out an identical snore. Maybe I could actually sleep for a few hours tonight. And then Mikey makes a snuffling noise and I'm on alert. He scrunches his face and opens his mouth, but then sighs and nestles into Ryan's chest. I breathe a deeper sigh, of relief, and tuck myself under Ryan's arm. I got comfortable and began nodding off. I had about 4 hours of sleep coming to me. Hopefully they would be quiet ones.
