blue (book one) - h.s. ✔️ watty's 2019

chapter 104

"There's no way we'll be able to make rent this month," he starts, working himself up.

"If we can't find a way to reel in another couple thousand dollars, we'll have no choice but to move back into the house my parents paid for. It's honestly such a waste that we're not using it, Harold."

"I told you I don't want Nolan raised around your friends," I begin.

Things have been a little rocky around here with only one income lately. You'd think that scoring a job as a warehouse associate would be enough to support three heads. It's not. Even with an hourly pay sitting somwhere upwards of eighteen dollars it's been difficult trying to balance the whole college-work deal. Raising a child while in college is hard shit, man. I revere the couple or single parents that have to do this. If it weren't for Park's perseverance, I don't think I'd be able to do keep Nolan here. I don't necessarily despise the little boy anymore. If anything, I have come to love him a lot. Not only does he look like me, but with each week it seems as if he's slowly developing my personality. Not really sure if that's a good or bad thing with how short my temper has been lately. The idea of us moving into his old home has come up one too many times in the last few days. I think it's utterly stupid. We've been able to hold shit down for this long. September's ending, we've both been doing fine in school, and Nolan's as healthy as ever. So we have one bad month.

Shit happens.

I've been experiencing an intense ache in my lower back for a few weeks now. One night while at work, a buddy of mine and I thought it would be fun to try and single handedly lift a heavy package reserved for the forklift and yea. Stupid. As a result, I had to miss an entire week for recovery. We've been struggling ever since.

"My friends aren't bad influences, Harry. I trust them," he breathes, taking off his glasses to rub his temples. I can't get over how adorable he looks with the spectacles. I'm glad he listened to me and is starting to wear them more often. He looks really sophisticated.

"Irrelevant; it doesn't matter. It'd be overstimulation for him to constantly be around that many people. I don't want to put him through that. You know this," I reply half-truth. It's still not time for him to see them; I need more time.

"Yea," he says to himself though loud enough for me to know that he's accepted my reasoning. Good.

His face casts down in thought as he absentmindedly runs his hand through Nolan's tiny patch of hair. I know that he misses his friends - the timing is just not right.

"Hey," I start, crouching down in front of him.

"Let's not worrry about the bills for now. We can figure something out surely. Why don't you, Nolan, and I go out for some ice cream?"

"Ice cream sounds good," he beams instantly, looking up at me.

Nolan's gurgles and coos break me away from the conversation immediately. He's been so much more vocal and playful lately. I walk over to his crib to see his tiny fist covered in an excess amount of saliva as he gnaws at his knuckles. He looks adorable in his Mickey Mouse onesie.

"You're becoming a little social butterfly, aren't you?" I exclaim, grabbing his tiny feet to help him kick at nothing.

"We should try and get a mobile for him. It'll keep him entertained while he's lying there all day."

"I agree," I start, picking up the light boy.

"Can you say daddy?" I coo ignorantly, looking for a response. I repeat the phrase and then fall silent as I wait for Nolan to try to respond. Just then Parker's radiant laugh fills the room. He continues laughing loudly ignoring my inquiries before he finally takes a breath to breathe.

"He's not gonig to respond, Harry. That won't happen for a while. He's still learning to mimic sounds he hears right now."

I pause momentarily with Nolan in my hands before I blush red. I hate blushing. It's probably the stupidest response the human body makes - in my case. I admire it on other people, respectively. Just not myself.

"DO YOU THINK people think that it's weird to see us together with a baby?" I start with Nolan strapped tightly in the baby carrier hugging my body. Park came across it last week on Amazon. I'm obsessed with the human kangaroo pouch. I feel like a super dad with it on.

"I don't think it's as weird as you're probably making it out to be in your head. There are plenty of couples these days that share our experience. If anything, it's the new norm."

I hum content with his response as I open the door for him to walk into the fine restaurant. I don't know how spending large amounts of money on expensive seafood will help us with our financial situation, but it's not like I can keep him locked up in my place forever. Anyways, he deserves this small night out. He doesn't really do much besides school work and taking care of the slobbering baby hanging against my chest.

"For you, my love."

He smiles lightly at me before sitting in the chair I pulled out for him. I sit in the chair opposite of him with Nolan still strapped in the small pouch nonchalantly.

"You two are adorable," he gushes before taking out his phone to snap a picture. I roll my eyes, but play along lightheartedly.

"Harry? Parker?"

The low, familiar voice sends a nasty chill through my spine. Though it's nearly impossible not to detect his husky voice, my mind is refusing to believe that he's actually here.

"Jax!" Parker exclaims, standing up from his chair to hug the last person I wanted to see. Out of all the times we step out to take a break from the flat, this is where and when he decides to make an appearance. While Park is in his hands, he glares at me with a confused look as he takes in the scene. His eyes flicker rapidly between awkwardly trying to look at Park nuzzled in his chest to my wide, green eyes, and to the cooing baby pressed up against my chest.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I'm sure he's perplexed about every bit of the way this looks. Pulling back from the hug, he looks at a beaming Parker before opening his mouth to speak.

"Parker, yo- you're alright?"

My heart feels like it's beating against my chest as I try to figure out what Jax's next steps are. Is it just me or is it extremely stuffy in here? I wipe at my forehead, collecting the drops of perspiration. I take a sip from the cold glass put on the table by a young waiter not taking my eyes off of the two in front of me. I'm sure Parker's oblivious, but the taller man's eyes have been eyeing me quizzically for a bit now.

"Of course I am! How are you? I haven't seen you in so long!"

Then, Nolan starts crying loudly drawing attention from several groups of people nearby as well as the two bodies still standing in front of me.

"Here, sit," Parker invites, pulling an extra chair from an empty table.

My mind is flooded with sensory of all sorts as I focus on remaining calm. I can't act out of the ordinary. Reaching down, I unzip Nolan's little black bag and pull out his warm milk bottle. He accepts it without hesitation, falling silent as he stares at the display of colorful fish right beside our table. I hadn't realized I stopped listening to the two until I notice that they are passed formal greetings. Jax still seems very on edge, continuing conversation with the oblivious boy.

"That's sounds great, Parker. You'll have to show it to me sometime," he breathes, forcing a smile before looking at me.

"Harry. Can I have a word with you?"

"In privacy."