Personal.

“Okay, okay, you can do this”, I told myself while my hands were sweating and my nerves brought out the best of me. I couldn’t stop walking in circles while I was waiting for my best friend. I had taken the so called brave decision to let my heart out on the line for once, and tell her how I felt about her. 12 years of friendship have taken a toll on me and I was getting sick and tired of playing games and fooling around.

I felt my phone buzzing and I realized it was a text from her: “5 more minutes”, it read. Yeah right, that meant another half an hour for me. That was good; it would help me to muster all the confidence I could. I put my hands on my pockets and stared at the sky turning in a dark blue. I heard some steps behind me and smiled to myself, realizing who it was.

“Sorry dude”, her voice said, “I couldn’t find what to wear for the movies”.
I turned around and saw what she was talking about. Seriously? She was gorgeous in any outfit she wore. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a denim shirt which I liked very much on her. Her short hair was in soft waves and her usual red lips. Those damn big lips of hers. I loved and hated the way she bit them: that habit gave me chills and thoughts I had to fight against every time she did that.

“You must be kidding, right? You look fine”, I said, fighting the urge to say that she was hot and beautiful in whatever she put on. “Let´s go”.

She laughed and took my hand as usual. In another time it would be something normal that best friends do: but tonight was different, I could feel it; tonight was the freaking night that I would do it and if I had to die trying, so be it. I was done, this was my chance, this was…

“I hope you don´t mind, but I told someone to come with us”, she cut my thoughts off with that sentence. What? Really?

“Yeah?” I asked pretending not to give any shit. I was giving lots of shit. No, no, no…

She stopped a corner away from the theater. She was looking everywhere but me. She wasn’t like this. She wasn’t shy around me. She was damn open and she always spoke her mind. Why was tonight any different? I was supposed to act that way, not her. I sensed there was something off and whatever she said, I wouldn’t like it at all. It´d tear me open somehow.

“Don’t be mad, but I told Leo to come to watch the movie with us”, she finally said staring at me with pleading eyes. Oh holy fuck, no. “And he´s gonna bring his sister who´s in our class, you know Claire, right?” Fuck, don’t do this please.
I nodded with a fake smile.

Of course I fucking knew Claire and I fucking knew Leo. That prick was on senior year and on the Lacrosse team that I tried so hard to get in and that asshole got in just like that. But that wasn’t the only reason I hated him: for a long time I've been watching the way he was staring at her and following her with his eyes like a predator to its prey. I caught them more than once talking and laughing and I suspected he was putting himself on the line. Fuck.

We arrived on time. I was fuming and I was really fucking mad. How could she do this? Didn’t she realize what she wanted was in front of her? What she needed was in front of her? I was fucking sure Leo wanted to shag her and then brag about it with his so fucking morons called friends. I cursed again: I was saying fuck a lot tonight.

“Maggie”, I started. I had to do it before they arrived, before they ruined everything. “I need to tell you something and it´s serious”.