Short Stories By Gee

Trash Can

"Dear Diary,

Since the first time that we met when we were young, I already knew I loved him. Though weve been in different relationships as we grew older, he has always been my 'what if'.

Right then, I always knew he is the one for me.

Why don't I tell him how I feel? You have no idea how many times I've tried and failed. And it's not that easy, you know.

Several times, I gave him the most obvious gesture that would make him see how much I like him and in return he'd always give me the most obvious answer:

He doesn't like me at all.

I am not his type.

Why not just tell him the truth? I can't, because I'm a coward. His gesture already pains me, let alone his words. By not hearing it from him makes me feel like I am saving myself from a lifetime embarassment, at least.

How would I know? Of course, I felt it! Damn, I'm not that stupid! I know when a guy likes me or not.

Sure he's sweet. But he's sweet to every girl.
Yes he's a gentleman. But that's how he was raised.

Didn't we atleast tried to date? I honestly don't know if he had seen it as a date but if you ask me, we dated five times.

I wanted to believe that he likes me as well, but it's hard to convince yourself when you already knew the answer. I could pretend all day that we would somehow end up together, but the mere idea of being with him is nearly nowhere possible and it tears my heart to pieces.

What if I'm wrong and he likes me? It's absolutely impossible! He would never like me back.

Remember we dated? The first time we dated I was so anxious he would see my inner weirdness and it would turn him off. So I tried to be demure just like any other beautiful girls would do. I talked less, because just like what they say 'less talk less mistake'. But as predictable as it may seem, it didn't work. He didn't even text me after that date. I waited and waited and waited, but I waited in vain. He didn't text me at all, and so did I.

The second time? Yes he's the one who initiated to meet but he just wanted to hang out with me. I hope he thinks I'm cool that's why! I felt so connected with him, I even posted our picture on my social media account but a friend of mine asked if he's my boyfriend. I panicked and then I remembered what he told me earlier on our date

'Major turn off to a girl? Maybe when she makes it obvious that she likes me soooo much.' With a grin on his face he ended the conversation.

So I didn't even try to respond to my friend to make it not so obvious that I like him.

The last time we've seen each other? He travelled for hours to see me but it's just because it's my birthday. Nothing special. Were friends anyway.

Many had tried to court me but he really is different. He has everything that I wanted from a guy except that he doesn't like me.

He's responsible and he's a charmer. He could be anyone's dreamguy. What are my chances?

But of course I know I have to move on, so I did. And believe it or not, I almost made it.

Until, for the last 8 months he's always in my dreams. Though different scenarios, but always that same story:

He likes me too and he just can't tell me.

Part of me is saying that it is fate's way of saying 'you go girl and try it'

But also part of me is saying that 'it's just your long-time-hidden-desire that is triggered because he is now soon to be married.'