"I cheated on you. "
I stared at the t.v unblinking biting my lip to stop it from quivering.
"I can't be with you anymore. It's just not... your not... shit I don't mean that. I just, I've changed and I want different things now. "
"Why can't I be those things for you?"
"You will never be able to be the woman I fantasize about. Your just to different. I keep trying to mold you into this person and I can't. "
"You think you could ever be the man in my dreams! Or anyone else have the perfect person they think about! That's not fuc*ing reality, you except the person as they are not try to change them into what you invision to be acceptable!"
"I don't know what to say."
"How many times?"
"What?"
"How many times did you cheat!"
"Doesn't matter. "
I clutched my fingers into a fist pressing my nails into my palm. Trying to feel physical pain over the mental.
"More then once then. Why? Why not just leave , why cheat on me and continue to come back here?"
"I don't know, I thought maybe I could be happy with you if I kept trying. But nothing's changing. I... I like her. "
I dropped my head in my hands, grabbed my hair pulling at the strands trying to focus on anything but the overbearing need to hit him. To break the t.v, to just hurt something.
"I'm sorry."
"No, no your fucking not. Eight years I spent with you. I gave up jobs to have time with you. Friends because you didn't like them, I chose you over my own fucking family! I have given you every part me I could. I love you would never fucking hurt you this way. "
"I know... I freaking know but what could I do. I don't want to leave you but I have needs and your not fulfilling them!"
I wiped the tears shaking my head realizing what the root of the problem was. A consistent issue we have been having the last three years.
"This is about the sex. "
"Yes..no.. mostly. And don't tell me you'll change , that you'll try to fu$k me more. I told you I don't want it if you have to force yourself. I want you to want to do that for me, not because you don't want me to find someone else to do it for me. "
My fingers were shaking so hard I was so angry. But not at him. He was right.
"What happens now? I can't take back what I did. Your never going to trust me again and I want what I want. "
"How soon can you move out?"
"I already have some place. It'll take me a few days to get my things out but, I won't stay the night anymore and will come back for my stuff when your at work to stay out of your way. "
I shook my head at how he already had made plans to leave me. Eight years gone over sex. It's always fuc$ing about sex.
I don't know how long I sat there staring at the screen unseeing what was playing before I eventually moved noticing he was gone.
My eyes burned from crying and all I wanted was to forget. So I went over to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of Jose Cuervo out of the closet.
_____________
7 Months Later
"And why do you want to work here?"
I internally roll my eyes. Because I need to pay bills obviously.
But I put on my best smile and bring out the professional dialect.
