Am invisible, I truly am. Today I was constantly reminded by the dark angel on my left shoulder how lonely I was.
How many girls have I starred at today saying to myself " She's so pretty, unlike me" ? Around 17 girls
How many group of friends have I starred at today saying to myself, how lucky they are to have people to laugh with, go out with or even get hugs from? 8.
When am seated alone, like most of the time, I spend my time imagining a perfect world for me.
In this world, am the center of attention, I have 1 or 2 friends but they're bestfriends.
I even get a boyfriend, the type that doesn't hit me when he's pissed off, or insult me and threaten me to send nudes to my dad under the penalty of him burning my arm with an iron.
Yes, it happened last Thursday, around 7:40 am, i don't remember what I did to him but it must have been the usual.
Because I am the problem right? I nodded my head whilst it was forbidden by my "Great" Assailant, I replied whilst it was forbidden by my "Great" Assailant, I didn't look my "Great" Assailant in the eyes whilst he was stabbing me with hurtful words and I cried which was also forbidden.
He says he has the right to do whatever he wants to do when he is pissed off, because "No one pisses him off".
Honestly, I don't know how I fell so deeply inlove that I always saw the good in him even though he mostly showed me how bad he can me.
Oops, am not allowed to say that either. I have to say " He is nice, He was nice and will always be nice"
I sometimes feel like my feelings don't matter, he's feeling are the only thing that matters. Because no matter what i say or no matter how much i apologize, he still sees me as " a dumb useless hoe".
What happened today, destroyed me..
YOU ARE READING
The Pain Got Me
Non-FictionThis isn't a fiction or a random story, it's my life. Nothing to do with a biography but rather like a Diary. Yes, I remain anonymous but maybe writing my story #myPain will make a difference in someone's heart or maybe mine.
