Not there yet - Jaynnie

part 1

Annie's pov:
Today's my first day at Rocky Mills. it's the middles of october. I'm starting my first day at a new school in October because I transferred here from Luola high school. I got expelled from there because me and my ex girlfriend, Sophia, graffitied the girls bathroom with different pride flags because the school was filled with homophobes. Not my fault that they're all bitches.
My dad thought it would be a good idea for me to go to a non-denominational Christian school. As if youth group and conversion therapy on Wednesdays weren't enough.
I believe in God. I go to church because i want to, not because i'm forced to. But my family constantly reminds me of how unholy i am for being gay. Something i can't control.
So, i'm going to this dumbass Christian school. With twice the homophobia and triple the racism.
How fun.
"Annie! Come on, you're gonna make your sister late!"
i rolled my eyes, picked up my backpack and ran downstairs.
"Good morning Annabanna!" my mom said as she kissed my forehead.
"Mom, we talked about this. I'm not 5 years old anymore!" i stared while rolling my eyes once more. i tend to that a lot.
"Well, Annie. Maybe when you stop acting like you're five years old she'll treat you like you're not." my 13 year old sister, Hayley, intercepted as she laced up her soccer cleats. She has practice before and after school three times a week.
"Shut up, dumbass."
"I'm the dumbass? Didn't you almost fail ninth grade because you didn't know how to prioritize your time and you always skipped?"
"Key word: almost."
"That's because you tried to fuck your science teacher-"
"HAYLEY NOELLE! You know your father would be very disappointed to hear you speaking like this!" my mom practically screamed from the living room.
"GET IN THE CAR. BOTH OF YOU."
I looked at Hayley, who was trying to contain her laugh. She was doing a terrible job at holding it in. As soon as we stepped out side she started laughing.  I started laughing too. That shit is contagious.
"Yo, you ready for your first day?"
Hayley asked as she climbed in the back seat.
"Hell no. when i shadowed two weeks ago all the girls kept staring at me as if i were a ghost."
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have stared at them like you were gonna kill them."
"oof. Well sue me for letting bitches know it was over for them in advance."
Hayley started laughing, and then she stopped.
"you better hide that shit from mom." she said while pointing to the rainbow bracelet i got from pride last month.
i gritted my teeth before saying "I don't care what she thinks. Mom doesn't even care if i'm gay. she just doesn't want other people knowing."
Hayley leaned up closer to me, who was propped in the front seat.
"i know. that's the problem. you know she doesn't want anyone to know that you're gay at school. They're all judgmental as hell."
"you don't think i know that?"
"Just looking out for you." Hayley mumbled under her breath while sitting back down in her seat. As she sat down my mom got in the car. she immediately looked down at my wrist and shook her head in disapproval of my bracelet. But she didn't say anything. She's probably waiting til she dropped off Hayley so she could yell at me. She thinks i'm a bad influence on her.
-
the car ride was silent up until my mom dropped off Hayley. Like i had expected it to be.
As soon as Hayley got out my mom began her little rant about my bracelet.
"what are you trying to accomplish? you know being gay isn't a personality trait, right?"
I sat in silence. Not because her rude remark hurt me, but because i didn't want to say something to piss her off that'd get me grounded. instead, i clenched my fists, praying she'd leave the conversation here.
But of course, she didn't.
"look. i know this is hard for you. you're 15 and your hormones are all over the place, but you do know that this is a phase right? i know girls are pretty and all but you probably just want to be more like them. nothing more. maybe if you tried to do your hair and makeup every once in awhile you'd-"
"right, like you of all people would know who i am. the only time you ever talk to me is to judge me about shit i cant control. you don't even know me."
and just like that, the rest of the car ride was completely silent. when i got out i didn't get a "goodbye! i love you!". she didn't even look at me when we pulled into the school. if she doesn't want to talk to me then it's fine. not like i wanted to talk to her in the first place.