Riparandola (Mending Her)

Prolouge

"If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhileness I have been lucky enough to had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will be enough" as Audrey Hepburn says.

I really wish that it could be just that easy but everything was blundering. Looking back from the past just gives me resentment. Looking back from all those ungrateful happenings in my life,it tears me.

I'm just a kid back then wishing for my father to comeback and help me and my mother. Hours, days, months, years but even his shadows are nowhere to be seen.

Until that day came, I saw my mother covered with blood, covered with her own fucking blood. I was nailed where I was standing,that time I felt like I was ceived by heaven and earth.

"Mom! mom please w
ake up!" my eight year old self was pleading for my mother to wake up, but she's already cold her body's lifeless.

Back then my world changed, the cloudless and happy days were covered with dark clouds carrying so much displeasure,pain, anger and despair.

Rumors spread that my mother was killed because of my fathers debts. But no one knows if it's true because no one saw the actual happenings even me. I know I am just a kid and I don't have enough strength to do something. But it still doesn't remove the guilt inside me.

It was my mothers funeral but I was the only person there. And it made me realized that in life you shouldn't expect too much to someone because whatever happens they'll leave, whatever happens they'll eventually leave. There's no such permanent things in this world,only change is constant.

Everything will change so stop nailing yourself in something that you think will stay, in something that you think will be permanent because there's no such thing. Everyone only thinks of themselves,humanity is already gone and its sorrowful. To think that the world is complaining of how much they are suffering right now it gives me chills,what kind of people would complain on  the things that they fabricated.

And regardless of where you are you should always keep in mind that the only constant in this world is the word change.