His Pain (Kendrick Lamar Short Story)

" You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney present at questioning." The policeman said as he handcuffed me. As I was thrown into the backseat, I watched my child cry "Daddy" and reach for me as her mother hushed her sobs. That and the glare her mother gave me was enough to make me feel like the I was the worst father alive.

After a failed attempt of trying to get my babymama to bail me out, I was sentenced to a year and six months in jail on drug charges.

Six months went by before I got a visitor, but eventually I did. I trudged over to the booth and sat by the telephone waiting for them to sit on the other side. My face lit up when I saw Mercedes, my daughter Ava's mother.

"Hey..." I said. She was clearly still furious with me.

"Hey."

"How you been?"

"FIne."

"How's Ava?"

"Great."

I sighed, "Mercedes, if you just gon' one word me the whole time, why did you even come?"

"I want complete custody of Ava."

I sat silent, in disbelief.

"I brought the papers for you to sign her over to me." she said pushing the papers toward me underneath the slit.

"Why? She already lives with you. Ain't no purpose in me signing these." I said trying to convince her. I still want to be able to see my baby girl when I get out.

"Eric, I don't have time for this. Either you sign her over now, or I take you to court and win. You're clearly an incapable father."

"'Cedes don't do this. Why all of a sudden you want full custody when you basically got it?"

She cleared her throat and began fixing her clothing.

"You got another nigga 'round my daughter don't you? Mercedes you know I'm not with that shit. Ain't no way in hel-"

"He actually loves me, Eric! He treats me like I'm worth something, not just a 'babymama'. He proposed to me and I said yes. We're getting married in September and moving to Atlanta, therefore I need full custody to avoid issues."

"...You can't be serious right now. You can't take my daughter away from me! She's all I hav-"

"Eric, save it. She was the last thing on your mind when they arrested you for selling drugs, just like I was the last thing on your mind when you cheated on me. You don't care about anyone but yourself, so I'm gonna make sure that the only person you have left is yourself."

"Mercedes, I said I was sorry! I thought we were past that."

"It's hard to get past it completely because I loved you. I loved you so much and my stupid teenage heart was sure we'd be together forever. I had a child with you and I just knew everything would be okay; but you didn't love me like I thought you did. I love who I'm with now with all of my being, but it's just so hard to get over what we had. Every time I look in Ava's eyes, all I see is you. I hate that she looks so much like you, but I wouldn't change my babygirl for the world..."

"So you just gon' run off across the country with some nigga and my daughter like a it's happy little fairytale, right? That's what you want?"

"Stop callin' him 'some nigga' like I just found him off the street corner! That man is more of a man and a father to Ava than you'll ever be. Now either you sign these so I can go on with my life, or I'll see you in court."

I stared at her with anger as my eyes stung.

"Guess I'll see you in court then." she said slamming the telephone on the hook and storming out. I slammed the telephone on the hook before being escorted back to my cell by the guard.

A couple weeks later, I was taken to the hearing for Ava's custody, where, due to incarceration, I lost. An endless stream of tears pooled my eyes as I hugged my baby girl goodbye.

"I'll miss you, daddy" she cried.

"I know baby. If you get older and forget about me, please remember that I always have, and always will love you. Daddy loves you forever."

"Foreber?"

"Yes baby."

"Foreber and eber?"

I chuckled through my tears,"Forever and ever."

"I love you daddy."

"I love you more baby girl." I kissed her wet cheeks.

"That's enough Ava, let's go." I saw Mercedes wiping her eyes and looking away.

"Will I ever see her again?" I asked.

Mercedes just shook her head and walked out with Ava on her hip. As I began to be escorted back to the jail van, I saw Ava waving to me before being handed over to some dude.

The weight of the world rested on my shoulders for weeks, even months after that day. I was so depressed, I had stopped talking altogether for over a week. After a year of incarceration, I was released early for good behavior, but the outside world wasn't any better without my daughter in my life.