Read My Secrets

I'M IN LOVE AND IT SUCKS

Okay, so I went to camp a week ago because my school has this thing called the Outdoor Recreational Retreat and they forced everyone to go. But, while I was there, one of my friends started telling everyone about how I have a crush on him. I didn't think that was true, but all of my friends started teasing me about it. The one friend (his name is Thomas) genuinely thinks that I like him, which made me think about it.

But, while we were at camp, we were playing truth or dare, and there was this one question, question number 42, and it goes like this;

42. Would you rather have sex with [insert name] in secret or not have sex with that person but everyone thinks you did?

So, one of my friends asked me this about Thomas, and I said yes (because as of right now my social life is all I have). When Thomas found out, he kind of ran away (because he's immature, even though he's a year older than me, and the most mature of all our friends). The next day, teasing about Thomas is in full swing and it includes 42. When we get back home from camp, I have a whole weekend to think about it. So, (naturally) I take buzzfeed quizzes, and researched crushes.

I did a lot of deep thinking about myself and realized I didn't just have a crush on Thomas, I AM fucking in love with the guy. I makes you wonder, you know? How I had to go through a week of camp and a weekend of soul-searching to realize it. I didn't have most of the symptoms that all these articles describe.

When I'm around Thomas, I feel;

Safe, comfortable, like I can be myself, trusting, love, peace, and laughter.

I don't get the standard butterflies in my stomach, or the tingles when he touches me. I feel like I belong, and that I would do nearly anything to make him happy. Thomas, I love you, and it makes me fucking terrified.

***

Also, did I mention that Thomas is moving to Australia in December of 2019? Yep! Aren't I a lucky girl?

Thanks for listening to me rant,

Amy.