What a coincidence . . .

All of my life I knew that something was special about me , like everything happened in a sort of pattern . Only not in a good way . For a persons life to have a routine is one thing , but a pattern is another . Its like a bad song that plays over and over on the radio that makes you want to pick up the radio and smash it to pieces .

My name is Ava . Although it only has three letters people still always manage to spell it wrong . Remember the thing i was talking about before about how my life is a pattern ? Well for instince , my name . Ava - A . V . A , that in its self is a pattern . Wow . Another example is how every year on my birthday it rains . It doesnt matter that my birthday is in the summer and not the spring . It rains anyway , either on my actual day of birth or on the day I have my birthday party . I kind of live in a pattern too . You see , I have OCD .

For all of those who dont know , thats Obsessive Compulsive Disorder . I hate it though . I have to do things unwillingly because thats the way it works when you have OCD . And I mean that I HAVE to . Just like people with addictions have to feed their addiction . I feel like an adict . Im victim to my own soul . My condition , my addiction . I have to eat my skittles in color order according to the rainbow . I never eat the blue ones but I dont know why , its because I HAVE to . I hate it , Im like a prisoner to it . When I eat anything with my hands I wipe my hands about ten thousand times . And it cant be the same napkin or I freak .

The things I do arent on purpose its kind of like I just did it one time so now everytime Im in this situation I have to do the same thing as last time . Before I walk into a room I have to touch my nose but I do it involentarily like I have tourettes . But now its getting creepy . I notice patterns in my life and things that always happen . I want to know whats going on . . . Strange things cant happen to a person for no reason . I mean , can they ? If they can , then why ? I need to lie down and think about this .

I walk to my room thinking about each step I take in my mind . I say to myself , "left , right , left , right , left ". . and I try not to trip because that will ruin the pattern . I reach my room and when I get to my door I open it with both hands , touch my nose and proceed through the threshold . I love the way it hits me when I walk in , the smell of lavender frebeze air freshener and the cold air stirring about from having the fan on . I untie and take off my shoes , then put them in the correct spot of my shoe rack . Then I climb onto my bed being sure not to wrinkle my comforter . I lay there staring at the ceiling and start into deep thought . I start thinking about all of the coincedences . Like the fact that it always rains on my birthday , how my name is even a pattern and it doesnt make a bit of sense to me why it is this way .

Then suddenly , my thought was interupted by the sound of loud music followed by the sound of keys in the front door - I knew my dad was home . He came in and said , "Pooh ! , Im home ! Where are you ?" . "Im in my room !" , I said . (Pooh is a nickname given to me from my father when I was young because I loved Pooh Bear .)Well come help me with the groceries ." , my father's voice rang . I know that somethings up . I wonder why he needs me ? He never does this unless he went to the grocery store , and needs help carrying the groceries . But I now he doesn't . The thing is , we did yesterday . My dad has been acting strange too but he always is . What a coincidence . . .

I step off of my bed , put my shoes on , tie each one bunny-style , walk to the door , open it with both hands , touch my nose , and walk out . As I walk to the kitchen I see all of our happy family photos in the hall , but they really arent happy at all . My parents are split up , my mom left , dad stayed , and so did I . My brother Kaeden went to live with my mom for a while but he doesnt really know how to live in a routine , ditching school , and doing drugs . If I had a choice between routine and pattern , Id choose routine because you dont have to have a routine or your routine can change but a pattern will never change . I promise to myself Ill never be like Kaeden . But why would I ? , I already have one addiction , and school is just another part of my pattern of life so it would be dumb not to go .