It was always you

Chapter 6

-1997-
As evening and dinner approached I started to pace nervously around the house. Ever since the talk with my mum my mind had been racing. I kept going over everything I was feeling and also the fact that my mother was convinced he liked me too. I didn't know what to think about that, how to react or if I should do anything about it.

I had never made a move with Kurt. It had always been just a crush in the distance. And when he died I'd promised myself I would never to feel that way again, at least not for a man. There were only a few people that knew about the feelings I'd had towards him. Pat for example and of course my mum. But now it was happening again with Taylor and all these feelings were pricking for attention. I was afraid, afraid to feel anything. Afraid to lose him...

When I had walked around the house for at least the 8th time my mother had enough. "David. Please stop. You're making me nervous too."

I stopped at the fridge, reached for a beer and plonked myself down on a chair at the kitchen table. My mum was preparing dinner.

"I'm sorry mum...." I said. I looked down at the table and started drinking the cold beer. "It's just.... you shouldn't have said anything! Your words fucked me up!"

"I'm sorry if they did but...." my mother started but wasn't able to finish because the next moment we both heard a knock on the door.

My heart stopped for a second, then started to beat faster than ever before. There was this flutter in my gut and my hands started shaking. He was here.

"You better go answer that" my mum said and smiled calmly. She walked up to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Everything's gonna be ok David. Trust me. Now go!"

She gave me a friendly nudge on the shoulder and I walked out into the hallway and opened the door. Taylor gave me a smile, but he looked just as nervous as I felt. He actually looked insecure. He didn't have his usual confident smile and cheeky eyes.

"Hi" he said and looked up at me from under his fringe. He looked so freaking cute and my heart skipped a beat when his eyes met mine.

"Hello. Welcome. Come in" I said and Taylor walked past me.

I closed the door and an uncomfortable silence spread through the hallway. I looked at him and my mum's words that he liked me too flew through my head. Could he? More than a friend? Was it possible? And even though my mum had said that I should trust her on this I was afraid to fully let go. What if she was wrong? I looked for any kind of trace that her words were true.

Taylor pulled his hair back from his face, his hazel eyes looked up at me and he laughed a nervous laugh. We hadn't hugged like we normally did. It felt like the air was thick and like something had changed between us.

"Uhm... Let's go in and get you a beer" I said.

"Yeah. Great!" he said.

We walked to the kitchen in silence. Once there I hurried to the fridge and fetched us some beers. Taylor stood in the doorway looking in.

"Taylor dear. How lovely to see you again." my mum said, walked over to Taylor and gave him a big hug.

I knew that she could sense the awkwardness between us. She tried to lighten the mood and make our nerves go away. I was happy that my mum was there and it wasn't just me and Taylor at the moment because I had no idea how to act around him right now.

"Good to see you too Virginia" Taylor said and I think he relaxed a bit.

"Why don't you come inside and help me prepare the meal" she said to Taylor "and David you can go and fix the table. Alright?"