No More What Ifs [HIATUS]

Prologue

I stood in front of the Elementary school among countless of parents as I waited for classes to end. I stared at the door nervously, knowing that this may be the last time I'll do this in a while.

The thing is, life's full of crap sometimes. You want one thing, you get the other. You work hard to be the best, you come out second. It took me so long to finally accept that kind of fate. I'm not saying I'm fine with it, I'm just saying... that's all on offer.

So yeah, maybe my friends are right. Maybe it's time to just move on.

I glanced at my watch and looked around. She's supposed to be here by now. When he called her last night, he'd asked if he could pick PJ up with her so the three of them could eat out. She'd said yes and asked why the hell I wanted to do that. Usually we just eat take-outs because that's way easier with a six-year-old in tow.

As if the universe is working with me for a change, I saw her.

She's trying to make her way to the front, muttering excuses after every parent she passes by. I grinned as I watched her come to where I'm standing, and she returns it with a shy smile as she nears.

"So are you going to tell me what this is about?" She asked right when she got to me, looping her arm around mine, like muscle memory. I'm going to miss this.

"I'll tell you later." I promised with a shaky breath. I hadn't come up with a proper plan to tell them what I'm about to, just that I had to gell them now... before she finds out from someone else.

She huffs, "This better be good."

I chewed the inside of my cheek, my eyes staring directly at the school's gate so I don't betray any emotion. She's staring at me though, and she knew me too well to figure out my expression.

She frowned at me, "It's not  good news, is it?"

I swallowed hard, "Depends on how you define good." I muttered, trying not to sound deflated.

"I define it same as you so if you look like that then it won't be good." She declared, looking at me challengingly as if waiting for me to argue only to prove her right.

I sighed, the problem is that we've known each other for so long and know each other too well that it's almost impossible to hide anything from the other.

I rubbed my neck tiredly, the exhaustion from the past week deciding to re-appear, just to add fuel to the fire maybe. I should've learned my lesson. The universe will never work with me.

"Look," I began, looking at her carefully, "I don't know if it's good news or bad news, honestly," I sighed, not knowing how to thread through this. The first time I got the news, I thought it'd be a great opportunity. Now, not so much. "but let's talk about it later, okay?."

She scowled, taking her arm off mine and stepping back. I'm mildly disappointed with the loss of contact when she stepped away and I almost grab her arm to put it back in place when I remembered I had no right to. That's always been the problem, anyway, I just always want more.

But stepping away is her silent way of telling me I'm being an idiot and maybe I am but it's hard not to be when I always feel like I'm stuck in the middle with no way out.

The main reason I took the job in Boston in the first place is because I wanted to get away from her. Because as much as I love being around her, it hurts just as much.