When I was twelve I was scared that I may not have kids or a husband. I thought about it and realized that that’s just what we all expect to happen to grow up fall in love and have children but at the age of twelve I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. I mean no one can tell the future but I wish that someone could tell me that everything was going to be okay. That I was going to fulfill a long and loving life with a beautiful family and compassionate friends, but no one can. Love is defined as ‘a strong feeling of affection’ you may ask your parent’s or older siblings ‘what is love?’ or ‘how do I know i’m in love?’ but your parent’s love its different to the kind that my parent’s share. The love we have for someone is different from one person to the next. Which brings me on to the next question how do we know that the love we share for a person will last because not all types of love are eternal. Some say you just know but 65 years later have a divorce filed. I never had a clear example or role model of what love should be like. What type of love I was supposed to feel for the father of my child. I knew that if it wasn’t for my brothers and sisters and me my parents would no longer be together, I honestly don’t know what made them ever think they would last but the truth is they have, although they may not be able to cherish each others company as much as before and they might not be so madly and deeply in love with each other they have made it through all the shitty things life has thrown their way to the greatest things but you can tell that what feelings they have for each other is not love it’s just content.
Growing up was never a fear but it scared me. I would lie in bed at night and wonder what will my life be like. In 20 years time will I be homeless or living in a mansion. I always liked reading stories, it wasn’t because of the words on the page it was the way you knew that at the end no matter how shitty their life was in the middle that it would be okay. A happy ever after. You often hear people say at their wedding ‘this is my happy ever after’ but it’s not really, shitty things can still happen and marriage doesn’t change that, nor a dream job or children. I think that a lot of people are exited to grow up to leave the hospitality of their home town get away and live their life's but no matter where you are or how old you are aren’t you? Your living right now in the moment and picturing what’s going to happen in 2 years time when you leave for college and you can finally ‘live’ well that’s a waste of time. I try to look at the world with open eyes but my future wasn’t a clear path down a hallway and to your left. If only it was that simple.
