Sad Girl Memoir

Questions

Yes, I admit I still love you. Never thought it'd be this hard to just go a day without talking to you. I wish we would've done it differently. I wish that somehow we could've worked out and not had any problems.

But that's life right? A bunch of mishaps that tend to shape you? Or is that just my outlook?

Be positive, think less, do more.. so many sayings just for the same thing. So many people end their lives early because of the same thing. So many want to be happy but nobody promised happiness.

Nobody said hey you're going to be happy whether it kills you or not because we all have a choice. We all have a decision to make. I still don't understand.

Time passes and we make the most of each day, even if it is just laying in the bed watching tv. Get up, gotta get motivated, but I'm lacking it. "I don't feel like it," I think to myself.

But how can feeling like doing something affect the whether or not you do it. Adding an emotion to a task never gets the job done. You've just got to do it right? Either way you think about it emotions are pointless, they don't do anything but bring you down right?

"Cheer up, it'll get better"

No it won't.

What if I'm so far down that I think down is the way up? What if all these "what ifs" are the story of my life? A bundle of emotions that I have yet to grasp.

"Understanding," a simple word by definition but so complicated to get. If I don't understand something I can go ask for help right?

But who understands life?

Can't really go to someone and say "hey my life is a mess" do you understand? The lack of depth bothers me. So many pointless conversations which all lack meaning or purpose.

Can someone send me something with a little more to it, something you think about and makes you go "hm, well if you think about it this way." Or even if you keep reading and then your whole perception of it changes.

So many conspiracy theories on what is and isn't real, so many people believe that we're not even real, each day is just passing before we're recreated and sent back to wherever we came from.

How can something so small turn into something unimaginable. Life. Precious and stale. Does it constantly change? What is death? By definition it is the end of life but what if it's not? What if it's the next chapter that everybody experiences? Is it permanent?

Physically yes, but "they live on in our hearts forever." Here we go again, more what if's I'm getting tired of all these unanswered questions. Where can I take them though? Will they ever be answered?

A subtle mixture of all things fun and entertaining yet confusing and slightly depressing? No that's not me. "How would you define yourself, tell me more about you, can I get to know you?" Ask questions, I don't know what you want to know.

"You've got a bad attitude," my attitude is perfectly fine. My perception of you and opinion of you depends on how you approach. If you find my words negative maybe you should try reevaluating what I said.

Maybe it was very positive but you lack the level of knowledge it takes to comprehend what I'm saying.

"All I'm saying is.." I don't care what you think. I don't want to hear what you have to say. Please stop talking. I'm losing you again, oh well here we go maybe I'll simplify what I have to say.

Maybe then you'll understand everything that has been spoken. We've gotten this far now you don't see what's going on. Am I blinded or are you?

Toxicity:

1. the quality of being toxic or poisonous.

I find you very toxic to my being, you're not benefitting me. Maybe I'll leave it how we are and not focus on the ending, just the beginning when things were "happier."

"Laissez les bon tempts rouler!"

Oh wait there were no good times, so what are we letting roll? Our relationship? "Our," you're toxic there is no us anymore. There's only a me and then there's a you.

I'm finally free.

♥️ Tati ♥️