When You Breathe...

Park Jimin

Beautiful. Simply stunning. Perfect in every way.

Beautiful isn't the word most people would associate with a man. Perhaps handsome, good-looking but neither of these did Park Jimin justice. He was quite simply, beautiful.

Jimin is still asleep. Even when sleeping he is angelic. His hair colored a light grey (although this is always changing), flawless skin and that cherry mouth... the mouth that women and men all over the world would love to devour. It's cold, so he is wrapped up under the blankets but hidden underneath is the body of a god. Toned and strong from years of contemporary and ballet dancing.

His alarm rings out in the room. "Fuck!" He groans.

It's been a gruelling 3 months. Very late nights and early mornings. He is holding two sold-out dance stage shows in a week and everything is going wrong last minute. One of his best dancers injured his neck last night and they will need to find a replacement or change all the staging.

"Fuck Fuck Fuck!" Jimin pulls the pillow over his head. He doesn't want to think about it.

Dragging himself out of bed he heads to the bathroom, and starts to get ready for dance practice.

Park Jimin is 28. He has been a professional dancer since he was 14 years old. Contemporary dance and ballet have been his life. He danced from the age of 6 and attended a performing art school since he was 11. He was somewhat of a child prodigy. His father, an alcoholic, abandoned him and his mother when he was 4. His mother struggled with 3 jobs to keep them housed and fed. From a young age Jimin knew he has a responsibility for their survival. He knew, that if he worked hard, he could get a scholarship and alleviate the stress his mother had to send him to a good school. There would be days that he and his mother couldn't eat. As a young child he had few friends. His mother couldn't afford to feed anyone coming round after school, or birthday gifts for friends, or day trips out with friends. It was easier not to make friends than to disappoint them or to be disappointed constantly turning them down. Jimin was used to these sorts of decisions, these sorts of sacrifices. Keep your head down, work hard, don't make life complicated. He was shy, quiet and incredibly self deprecating.

Then there was Jimin the dancer.... well. You'd never know they were the same person. In the dance studios, practice halls and on stage - Jimin was breathtaking in every way. Sexy, confident, self assured, incredibly talented with stage presence like no one else on earth. He leaves anyone watching him, speechless. His stage performances are legendary. He can sell out venues in minutes. He constantly gets invited to do performances at international award ceremonies, theatre productions, commercials, music videos and performing art showcases. Jimin turns down more offers than he is able to accept. He has a global reputation for being the best and with it has come a popularity that hasn't been easy for him to endure.

Over the years he has received a lot of attention. Some positive and beneficial to his career, and a lot of it, unwelcome, especially from the media. Despite his popularity and woman quite literally throwing themselves at him (some even stalking him) Jimin has had one long term relationship.

For 4 years he lived with her. Despite the media coverage and his growing celebrity status, she didn't know who he was when they first met and this is what intrigued him most.

He grew so tired of people wanting to know him to get something from him. Women fell in love with the persona, with what he wanted them to see and would care little for who he really was and how differently he navigated the real world compared to the stage. He was always afraid to get too close to anyone because he thought they would realise the lie, the facade.

SHE was pushy, capable of doing all the talking, capable of taking control. Lonely and frustrated from years of isolation, he allowed himself to be steered by her. If she said he should like it, he liked it. If there was something she wanted to do, he would do it. He lived his life fulfilling hers.

It wasn't enough for her. She wanted a "real man", she wanted someone to take control. At least, this is what the note said when he came back from touring Europe for 3 months.

He didn't even care that she had left. If he was honest with himself, the entire relationship had been void of any feeling from him. He went through the motions with little emotions. The whole relationship seemed.... choreographed. Told when to smile, when to talk, when to kiss, when to undress... It was more of an obligation and a need for something he felt was missing. But even with her, that need was never fulfilled. He felt less empty and less lonely but he still felt empty and still felt lonely. The only time he ever felt alive was when he was dancing. It was the only time he felt emotions that he couldn't replicate outside of his movements.

Finally ready and leaving his apartment, he could feel that familiar sensation. With everything else so mundane and boring, he at least had this pull towards the practice studio, where he knew he would find that feeling he craved. Where he could lose himself or find himself again...