Samaina SS: Hum Aapke Hai Kaun (On Hold)

chapter 8

< flashback>

"Tum us Kartik ko pasand karne lagi hona Naina? Mujhe sach batana..tumhe uska saat bha gaya hai na?" He had yelled at her, whispered words that had felt like screams in the silence of the night. Their room was scattered with items Sameer had thrown: each one of them bearing a memory as they had picked them out painstakingly before their marriage.

"Naina kyon padhati ho tum Kartik ko? Kya usne tumhe chua? Kya pasand karta hai woh tumhe? Aur kya tumhe uske saath waqt beetana pasand hai?" Naina froze up just at the mere memory of his words. Small drops made way to her cheeks as she remembered his reddened face, distrusting eyes, and fisted hands. Naina understood jealousy like no one else. Multiple times she had gone through that emotion when girls hit on Sameer. But she never felt deeply impacted by it because she felt secure in her love for him. She knew he loved her more than anything else in this whole world and trusted him with her eyes closed. And yet after six months of marriage and four long years of being his girlfriend, the man still didn't trust her. Had she not loved him enough to give him that security or there was something deeper at stake here? She was angry but more than that she was sad and confused. There were fragments of Sameer that he locked up when you approached them. Locked up even from her.

And she had tried to be really understanding towards him, never prodded at those wounds of the bygone past. But she felt like his profane jealousy and almost extreme illogical rage drew energy from those very fragments he wanted to keep hidden. A part of her knew that it was associated with his fear of abandonment but it was not the only explanation in her book. She wanted him to open his soul upto her but he never did. Maybe the root of all this is that her love has lacked something which failed to give him that stable foundation of trust.

Sameer drew close to her but froze the moment he registered the pangs of her muffled sobs. "N..n..naina.." He stuttered out as tears started to drip from his own eyes.

"Sa..sameer kya tumhe mujhpar bilkul bharosa nahi hai? Aisi kya kami reh gayi thi mere pyaar mein ki tumhe mujhpar vishwas nahi hai?" She turned around looking into his eyes.

As bottomless salty water gushed down both their cheeks, anguish was left unsaid. The space between them grew heavy with resentment, guilt, and something deeper. Something that was poking sharp pangs into both their hearts. A strong sense of an almost visceral fear that if they crossed this boundary they would never come back. Once they acknowledged these emotions that were buried deep in both their minds, they would lose each other.

With panic floating in, Naina drank away her tears. Scared to delve into an unknown territory which could take her Sameer away from her, she did the only thing she could think of. Applying force with both her hands on his chest, she pushed him out and locked the room. She would rather be locked away with tears than face the fear of losing Sameer; her love, her soulmate, her life, her everything.

Things had never been easy for them. They had always had to fight for each other, sometimes with each other. But never had their relation fallen so low. Even after Naina's heartbreak in Mount Abu, a part of her still interacted with him and loved him deeply. He could feel that constant wave of affection exuberating from her towards him. It had kept him going through that punishment. But today for the first time, things seemed more uncertain. He was injured and cold but his Naina didn't even bat an eyelash at it and kicked him out of the room.

While these thoughts grazed at his heart, leaving bleeding slashes behind, a creak somewhere down the corridor made him close his eyes and pretend to sleep. He was far too upset to interact with anyone donning a serene placid mask on his face. He couldn't bring himself to pretend that things were normal between them when they really weren't. He needed the silence of the night to act as a shroud for his sadness.

Anklets sounded, their tune luring his strained heartbeats into a calm melody. And then the warmth of her hit him. His heart knew it was her long before she entered the hallway. As her steps proceeded the lavender scent of her cream hit him. She applied it every night before going to bed and he would always cuddle her tightly into him as her scent and softness lulled him to a deep sleep.

The heat of her proximity hit him next and he knew she was next to him and was probably looking at him. The sound of slight sobs hit his ear as her fingers gently came to stroke his forehead.

"Sss...pata nahi kitna dard hua hoga tumhe. Sab meri galti hai. Dekho toh tum kitne thande pade ho, Sameer kyon karti ho tum aisi cheezein. Bina soche ki mujh par kya beetti hai. Ssh..ab sab theek hojayega." Her loving crooning words landed in his barren heart, her voice a nectar for flowers to grow once again.

A slight wind blew and he felt her get up. Sneaking a look at her, his breath caught. Standing in the silver light pouring in from the window, Naina fidgeted with curtains, her silver bangles clanking. She placed the candle she was carrying on the table near him as she set about closing the window. She was a vision in white, her long black hair playing with the wind, her eyes glittering in the wavering flame of the candle, her tears of worry twinkling like ocean stars on her soft cheeks. There was no way he could define her beauty, words would fall to shame.

The window shut she turned to him and he swiftly closed his eyes. God knows how much he wanted to see her love and care. His heart had truly felt like it had frozen in time since their last fight in the kitchen. But he should have known no matter how bad things get between them, she would always love him the most in this world. Her scent once again engulfed him as she sat next to him, stroking his forehead and blowing air on the injured spot.

With light nimble fingers, she applied cream and blew on it. Her breath light and sweet made his fingers curl inward to touch her. "Pagal ho tum bilkul, na mera khayal hai na hi apna. Buddhuram kahin ke." She reproached him in the softest voice and then brushed her lips against the cool skin of his forehead. Her love was so soft on him. The gentle soul that she was, it shook him.

"offo pani..."she mumbled as she ran to the kitchen. His silent gaze followed her unaware figure as she heated some water in a pan; the sonorous sound of her clinking bangles made his heart flip. In the partial darkness he turned to the side to watch her work in the kitchen.