Loser Love

No one understands what it's like to be me. What it's like to wake up every morning with pure hate. Hate for the crappy weather, hate for other people, hate for myself.

 I think it all started back when I was in the third grade. My mom was in a serious relationship with this guy. He didn't treat her right at all. I remember my mom holding up this paper in her hand. That paper was her ticket out. She held it up and passed it along to my older sister, who threw it to me. We were trying to keep it away from him. He chased after me and I can't remember what happened next but somehow he grabbed the paper and tore it up. He threw it away in the trash and I just broke down crying. Days after that he started beating on my mom. Every night it was something different. Some nights he would push and shove her and some nights he would choke her. One night he even shoved my mom into this glass table we had. The next morning her eyes were red from crying, when you asked her what was wrong she would tell you it was nothing and to not worry about it. I, oblivious to everything, later found out what really happened when they sent her home from work to go to the doctors. One memory that I could never forget was when he pulled an iron out to hit my mom, I don't remember how it started but all I remember was I was sitting in a chair hearing my mom beg for her life. I brought both of my hands to my ears and started crying. Then I remember screaming stop at the top of my lungs. That day I gained a voice and that same day and moment, I lost that voice.

After that day I didn't talk to anyone.

I couldn't.

All throughout grade 4 through 10 I was the quiet girl. Who everyone took turns taking advantage of. I constantly got bullied for being too dark. That's when I hated myself the most. I hated myself for being dark, I hated myself for not having the courage to stick up to the people who bullied me and took advantage of me.

So I had enough!

I joined my high school cheerleading team my junior year. I didn't tell anyone I was doing it. I was at a high and I didn't want anyone to discourage me and tell me I wouldn't be able to do it. And guess what? I made varsity.

"I can't believe YOU made varsity"

Ignoring this bitch, I made my way to first block. I really do hate people like almost all the time. I lugged my duffle bag into first block. Today was our first cheer practice and I was a little nervous.

"Okay class we are watching a movie take out a piece of paper and a pencil" I never understood why teachers called clips from the discovery channel movies. "You need to take at least 15 notes and turn it in at the end of class for a grade"

The class groaned in unison.

"Hey Donna you gunna let me get your notes right" William asked from the seat in front of me.

I rolled my eyes and didn't answer him. Just then a new kid walks in. He looked lost as hell.

"Hey I'm looking for biology 1 with Mrs...." He looked at the schedule in his hand "Mrs. Hanswell".

"Hello I'm Mrs. Hanswell and this is Biology 1 ... welcome Mr."

"Brown. Chris Brown." He responded.

"Class we have a new student, Chris Brown, please make him feel right at home"

The new kid turned to face the class and that's when I got a good look at him.  He was average guy height. His skin was caramel colored. He wore a white t-shirt that allowed everyone to see the tattoos going down both of his arms. I looked around the class room. All the girls where practically drooling in their seat.

"Please. Take a seat... anywhere..!" Mrs. Hanswell added.

He shoved his schedule back into the front pocket of his bag and made his way down my row. All the girls were anticipating on where he was gunna choose to sit. Of course this would mark his seat for the rest of the school year. He took the empty seat right behind me.