Fingertips | BTS Depression

My Skin

As I stood there, in the ghost of my members presence, tears pricking my eyes, I realized just how alone I really was. Usually I would listen to music while in my room but since I wasnt, nothing but silence rang through the room. I never knew that the absence of sound could scare me so much. Tears fell. This time, though, they were silent, like the rest of the room.

I began to move from the place where I was left. I removed my shirt not even bothering to look in the mirror. I searched my closet for another suitable shirt. I found a multicolored plaid shirt that Im pretty sure was Jungkook's but whatever. I then paired it with a black tee and black jeans. With that I went to the bathroom noting the way I looked like I was sick, then fixed my hair and left the bathroom.

I walked into the living room where the members sat either waiting or putting on shoes. I grabbed some black shoes I usually wore to practice and put them on. Left then right.

"Alright, we all good to go?" Namjoon asked looking at us all.

"Yup." Tae said, a boxy smile and a thumbs up.

With no protests, we all filed out of the dorm and into a car. I was just about to get in when I turned back. "Hold on, I need to check to make sure its locked."

"Mk, hurry." Jin waved him off.

I walked up the steps that I had just come down. I took the keys and locked it. Then I hurried down the steps again. I made my way to the car and stopped at the door.

"Hyung? You look uneasy, whats wrong?" Jimin questioned me, which alarmed both Jungkook and Namjoon cause they shifted in their seats to look at me.

"Um.." I began, "Can I go check again?" I said fiddling with my fingers.

"Off day?" Jin said, peering out the drivers seat window.

"Mhm." I said running back to check the door. That's what Jin called these days. Off days. These are the days when my ocd is the worst. Of course the others knew of my compulsiveness but other than that they knew nothing else about my mental state. So the Off Days are never as bad as they think. After walking the steps for a 4th time I checked the lock. Yeah it was definitely locked. Still I felt unsure. Ok. I took out my phone taking a picture of it. It's locked. Finally I went down the steps again. I hopped in the car sitting in the very back on the left, right next to Kook.

"We good?" Jin sad adjusting his mirror, looking at me through it.

"Yeah." I said looking at the picture of our locked door. And with that we drove off to the studio, ear buds in my ears and eyes heavy.