Appreciation

Dear Jonathan,

where do I even start? I have so much to say to you. So many thoughts are racing through my head. And my heart beats twice as fast just thinking of you...and surely you can figure out how fast my heart beats when I'm with you. I'm sure you've heard the saying a picture says more than a thousand words', I rather write a short novel for you...so be prepared to fall asleep at some point.. Hehhe
First of all I want to say thank you. Thank you for saving me from my end. Without you, believe me, I'd be somewhere else right now. And thank you for every single time you're there for me when I need you. And thank you for listening to me, no matter how dumb the things are that I have to say.
And thank you for loving me for who I am, because let's be honest... Looks ain't nothing you gon find by me.
Next off thank you for supporting me with pretty much anything and thank you for being the way you are. Being that weird, funny little hobbit, you are. I love every part of you with all my heart.
Your cute, curly, fluffy hair. Your sweet smile and laugh and those soul filled ocean blue eyes with that soft touch of grey fog. And although you're the cutest person I know, I love your character the most. You're funny, sweet, helpful, polite, honest, loyal, down-to-earth, kind-hearted, overwhelmingly amazing and talented in many ways.
You can't even begin to imagine as to how happy I am that you asked me for that billiard game back then...and even though I didn't respond, that u still came back to me and talked to me. I appreciate that very much.
Even though it might not be obvious too much...I have changed a lot since then and with every change I seem to grasp you closer to me.
I really wouldn't know what to do without you. I'd be completely lost.
There is something my mother said to me a while ago...we were together for just a few months and I wasn't feeling to well then.
She said to me "Listen...I'm scared that..if he breaks up with you, that it'll then be the end for you again and you'll fall back to your old behavior".
And I think about this sentence over and over. It often pops into my head when I think of you. Back then I said nothing to her, but I already knew that she was right.
It would be...I'd be lost again...trapped in my fears. Because it was you who helped me out there. Shortly before I met you...I had lost someone who was very precious to me and I still miss them. You distracted me so much that I didn't even notice how you pulled me out of my misery. I don't like to be helped by people, but you did it in a way that I
didn't even know back then. Just now looking back at it I noticed that you helped me. I am very grateful and I honestly feel a bit indebted to you. How will I ever be able to return such a favor?
And again as usual I was thinking... and I realize a lot with each time... but now I've just noticed that for the first time in my life... I'm actually genuinely happy
I hope you understand that...you make me happy and you make me feel special...I can't stop smiling around you or even at home just thinking about you...I feel so much love and true happiness with you...which I would've never dared to dream of before I knew you..
you are my destined happiness
you are all I've ever been waiting for all my life
someone who inspires me
someone who supports me
someone who motivates me
someone who makes me feel good in so many different ways...
someone whom I can show who I really am, without feeling terrified to death because of it..
I was hiding myself for my entire life till now... I was scared to show my real self but with you it's different..
I simply can't hide anymore
You bring out all the good in me... and all this inner fear, pain and anger just disappeared with the blink of an eye.. wiped away in a second... I hope you understand that you make me the person I always wanted to be...you make me feel loved and wanted which I never felt before..
whenever I hug you, its like I've finally found a place that I can call home..
I never really thought I belonged anywhere, I felt as if I was lost in space... but you are my home... your hugs, your kisses, your smile, your hands, your voice, your beauty, your humor, your way of dealing with my stupidness... all that and even more, is the best thing I ever got to experience..
I know all of this maybe sounds a bit too much or maybe cringey... but I just wanted to get my feelings out there... and the thing about you is I'm not scared to open up..
I was afraid to get hurt, to be left alone as I'm used to, to be disappointed and just emotionally numb again...I've never let anyone close to me cause of my fears
but no matter what happens... as long as I have you, I'm not afraid anymore
I want to show you the absolute real me without even the glimpse of a mask to hide behind... it feels like my heart finally started beating again... I feel alive again and all that came at once and overwhelmed me
I was missing so much in my life... but I've found myself and I figured out that you  were all I ever wanted and all I ever needed... even though things just started less than a year ago and we are yet still getting to know each other on that depth level..
sounds a bit cliché.. but it feels like I've known you my entire life and even though I still have more than half my life before me... I want to spend so much time with you...the entire rest of my life.. I want to give you all I have even though it's not much... but I belong fully to you... all my heart and mind belongs to you... every inch of my body and soul is yours to keep
Of course there is still a bit of fear of fucking everything up and losing you... but I'm ready to do everything it takes to make you as happy as you make me.. and I want to show you the world through my eyes... show you how I see you... the beauty, the passion, the strength I see in you...
I want to take you by your hand and show you this world in all it's glory.. and most of all I want to make you proud..
I found myself smiling when I first met you.. but that time I didn't fake it, like by others... I am used to faking my emotions.. but with you it's completely different... I don't have to play an act or put on a show.. I smile with all my heart.. and i love you with all my soul
baby I fucking love you!
If I could I would scream it through every window, door I see....
Please let me be the one who looks into your eyes and discovers the real you... let me be the one who can make you happy for the rest of your life...
Please let me be the one who you fall asleep and wake up next to till the end of days... let me be the one to show you how much you can be...
Currently with this sentence I have written 1336 words.... and I realized I still have so much left to say... and also so much to say that I can't even express in words... sometimes I think it would just be easier for you to look into my mind and see for yourself what I mean... I wish I could express my feelings better... it would surely make a lot easier for us...
But you still stick to me and help me the best you can in your way and there is nothing in this world that makes me smile like the thought that I have you... nothing in this universe makes me prouder than having you...
I love you so fucking fucking much you don't even know... sometimes I find myself just looking at you and feeling how all of my body is filled by warmth and love... I often can't even fathom myself how much I love you...
I often asked myself "what is love? Have I ever really felt it?" I have finally concluded that until I met you... I had no idea what love is... I didn't know how it felt or how to give it to someone else... but with you it just happened naturally... I didn't need to think about how to show love... it just happened.... and I no longer ask myself what love is... because for me.. Love is you. You are love. It sounds weird... but that's thw only way I can explain it with words... with you everything feels like a breeze... I don't need to worry about a thing... I can let my worries go around you... I can finally focus on something without being filled with anxiety... I feel completed... I feel like there is nothing else I need in life now. I have everything I need. I never thought that a single person would be able to make me feel this way... but you did it... and it seems as every day it just grows stronger and bigger... it seems as there is no limit to it... it's endless... and I am so happy... you are my loving place of happiness and savory...
When I'm with you... nothing can hurt me anymore... I feel stronger and braver... I feel save in you arms...
And each day I think about how I will ever be able to repay you this favor... or if I make you feel the same way in any kind...I often feel like a burden to people... but you give me the feeling that I am welcomed to be around you... thank you so much for that... thank you for each day that I wake up, knowing there is someone who loves me for me... 
Thank you
I love you with all I've got... and if I could I'd marry you on the spot... I know that is cheesy... but it's true...
You just make me so motherfucking happy
I really wouldn't know what to do without you...
my savior
my love
my forever
You mean so much to me and I often forget to tell you that I love you, but know that I would love to just say it at any given time you're around me.. just constantly reminding you how my heart beats 10 times faster when I'm with you... how my brain forgets to work right when I'm by your side... and how I feel my soul relaxing and having all it's wishes fulfilled by you.... because you bring out the best in me and therefore you also get the best of me

Jonathan... my Puddin'... I love you... and I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you...
I wish you only the best for your life and I hope that I am part of it...
So... let me love you to the end of our lives, whenever that may be...
Let me be a part of it in all it's glory and make you happy

I love you,
Michelle