Stars In The Sky

Shooting Star

As a kid I've seen over one thousand stars, non-shooting and shooting stars but up until about six months ago did they ever have any real meaning, I'm not exactly sure if this is even a reality or just my imagination. Maybe I'm crazy? But being who I am it's hard to believe in people because of how things played out in my public school years, even though people may have thought I was young and don't get me wrong I was but I was too old for my age if that makes any kind of sense.
What does the word 'love' mean to you? Love? Yeah, I know of it and yes. I've felt such things but the real question is, was it real? Now that, I don't know and maybe it was because, as so many people say, I have "daddy issues" meaning if a guy said he loved me I'd believe him and hang onto every word he said. In other words, he had me wrapped around his pinky finger. Let me tell you a story, a story about a boy. Yeah I know what you're probably thinking "some cliche, annoying story about a teen who fell in love blah blah blah" but really this is not the case at all, I played with fire and I got burned. Who could have seen this coming, apparently everyone around me knew it was bound to happen but I was the only one oblivious to the situation.
You ever heard of the saying about the lion and the lamb? Well I am the lamb but he's the lion, what happens when they fall in love? One ends up dead but in my case, one ended up scarred, broken, and lost,. But this isn't about my "love" life, this is about growing up a failure or at least a failure in my parents eyes.
Welcome to my little slice of hell
I was supposed to graduate public school with the honours role, I was my mom's shooting star but when my life too an unsuspected turn into hell I stopped going to school and stopped caring about school, I basically gave up. Society changed as soon as I hit grade 6 or 7, you had to fit in, you had to be popular, if you weren't skinny enough you'd be left out, if you were different you were an outcast. I already had chronic depression, anxiety, anger issues, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts,developed an eating disorder and was cutting myself by the time I went into grade 5 because I was bullied to a great extend throughout grade 4-7 but that is irrelevant. I was just a huge ball of destruction, well self destruction that is. I had a fucked up home life and school life but the stuff I was doing seemed to help in the time being or so I thought.
My name is Annabelle Wynter but people call me Anna for short, I'm only in grade nine which by the way SUCKS! The high school I'm enrolled in at this moment isn't really what I expected, I thought my first year of high school would be amazing like in the movies but I was dearly mistaken once again. I'm almost certain that you don't want to hear the hu-blah about me introducing myself, lets just say I'm not your average teenage girl.
It was a normal day, well if this is what you call normal, count me out! Mom and dad yelling at the ass crack of dawn again, over stupid pointless things as usual, they think if they rant down stairs that I couldn't hear them from up here but they were sadly mistaken, every word was crystal clear and made me cringe. Yep, this was my life. I finally decided to roll my lazy ass out of bed after listening to my parents yell for almost half an hour, "shit! It's almost 7:30, I'm going to be late again" I muttered to myself under my breath. I was still in my pyjamas and my bus gets here in 10 minutes, I guess I'm walking to school AGAIN! Today was unusually crappy for me, my hair was a mess and my make up wouldn't corporate! This was surly going to take some work and even though I was late my appearance meant absolutely everything to me, if my hair was a mess I would stay until it looked well almost perfect, if my make up didn't look good I would make sure it looked perfect before stepping out that door for school.
I tried for almost 10 minutes to fix my..my hideous face but nothing was working and I wasn't pleased so I gave up and jumped into a warm shower. I tugged off my clothing and waltzed over to my bathroom in a towel praying no one noticed I was still in the house and not at school, dropping the towel on the floor I stood in my full body mirror, just looking at the reflection staring back at me. I never liked what I saw, hour glass figure and thighs that had no thigh gap, wide hips and tiny waist, small boobs and a big ass, I was never good enough for myself. The tears rolled down my cheeks once I got into the shower, the warm water stinging my thighs, my shoulders and my two pale wrists which were now tinted Crimson from lasts nights break down. All the taunting played back in my head, no one could hear my cries or notice the tears when I was in the shower, it was the best time to think and be alone with my deadly mind and horrific thoughts.

I wasn't like this at one point, I was a very unusually happy kid and loved to be outside or playing with friends but that ended as soon as grade 4 came along, now? I sit in my room with my laptop watching movies on Netflix, being depressive and much more. Friends? What are those? Because I sure as hell didn't have any REAL friends, well I did, I mean I use to but that just kinda took a big nosedive into "loner vil" population; me.