Her Silence

Chapter Nine

"Take time to replenish your spirit." Eleanor Brown

I wake up with a pounding headache. After revealing what feels like too much of myself to James last night, I cried myself to sleep out of fear for what will happen now. He kept telling me not to worry, but what else can I do? James left with a book full of notes and it sickens me knowing that other people will have to read it too, though I keep telling myself that it's for the best. Now that my past is resurfacing, albeit too quickly for my liking, I can't help but wonder what else this world has in store for me. It's as though someone has opened Pandora's box and all hell is beginning to break loose.

Standing in the bathroom and looking at myself nearly makes me scream – the thought of doing so amuses me. My eyes are small and bloodshot with dark circles around them, my hair is a nest on top of my head, and I wonder how the hell James looked at me and took me seriously last night. I tut and decide that this morning will be spent on making myself feel human again. I shower, listening to the crackling radio blare out the odd song and story, and heavily condition my hair. After hacking through it with a brush, I grab the scissors and chop off the rough ends, before making the mad and impromptu decision to cut in bangs. They hang delicately around my face, and make me eyes look larger, and a few of my features sharper, than usual. I apply my eye drops and put on my glasses, taking one last glance into the mirror. I look different. Different, but stronger. I put on my work clothes and make my way into my kitchen, shrieking in some sort of croak as the frame of a large figure comes into view. James turns around with a furious look on his face before it contorts into something like confusion, and then shifting back again.

"You're just going to leave your door unlocked for anybody to walk in?" He roars whilst marching towards me, stirring something inside of me. Some sort of feeling just fell off of its shelf and dusted itself off as though a ready for a challenge.

"Anybody being you? Are you serious? Why the fuck are you in my kitchen James?" I aggressively sign, wishing I could simply scream at him.

"You're really going to swear at me right now when you're in the wrong? You put yourself in danger." James growls, his eyes hooded and dark. A flurry of questions start whirling around my head. What the hell is his problem, and why the hell is he in my kitchen?

"Yes I forgot to lock my door, thank you for letting me know, but you can't stand here all mysterious and shouty without answering my God damned question. If I wasn't verbally withheld, you do not know what you'd be facing right now." My Lord does he make my blood boil, he's so self-righteous. He snorts arrogantly, annoying me even more, before stepping forward. He squints at me, looking at me with great scrutiny.

"Have you cut your hair? And since when did you wear glasses?" Is he serious right now?

"Oh, I don't know, since I whacked my head and blurred both my life and my vision? Please can you just answer my question?" I'm practically begging now.

"I will, I will, but I want you to have a coffee before I explain why I'm here. And I need a moment to process this new look," he winks, making me roll my eyes. I begin making myself a coffee to satisfy him, hoping it will hurry him up in telling me what I want to know. My mind is going at a hundred miles an hour, thinking of every possible explanation. Deep down in my gut I think it's going to be something to do with my Mother. James is staring at me, until ask him why.

"You look different. Different, but stronger." I freeze. "You always look so terrified. You need to stop fearing the world." Oh, if only he knew.

"I don't fear the world. I fear what's in it." He smiles at me sadly, a tendency of nearly every person I meet and it's bloody annoying. "Stop looking at me like that. I'm not delicate." James throws his hands up in defence, silently apologising.

"Just drink your coffee Rosie." I roll my eyes again.

"Yes sir." I sign, before turning around to head to the sofas, taking sips of the drink on the way. I hear a strained cough from James and I begin to laugh, "what? That's what people call you isn't it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, whatever." He replies, looking pissed. I smirk. This is the oddest conversation I've ever had. Like I said, James is someone I cannot keep up with, and I'm beginning to realise that he is also struggling to keep up with me. When we are both sat down, I look at him, nodding to let him know that he can start talking. "I'm going to say it how it is, and I'm sorry. A woman who we think is your Mother was lurking around outside Tidy last night, about a quarter of an hour after you left to go home. She was asking for a girl whose description fitted yours exactly. I came here as early as I could as I didn't know when you were working, but I'm telling you I do not want you going there today." I knew it would be about her, but I didn't think it would be this. Now it was my turn to cough and choke. My coffee goes everywhere, and I begin to retch violently making James jump up supposedly in fright. He takes the mug out of my hand and replaces it with a glass of water. "We don't know where she is now, but we have a photo. Please Rosie, I'm sorry, but you need to look at this photo and confirm whether it's her." My vision isn't remotely comprehendible, so I take my glasses off of my head to put them on, dropping them in the process. James picks them up, and puts them on, brushing the hair out of my face and softly strokes my left cheek. A pitiful look guiltily appears on his face and I know he doesn't mean to look at me that way, he just can't help it. I put my hand on his wrist and hold it steadily, squeezing it ever so slightly when he slowly brings the photo into my vision. I grab out at the photo immediately, scrunching it up in my free hand whilst nodding furiously. It's her alright.

*****

Rosie's Mother is getting brave now... what do you think she is going to do next? At least Rosie has James on her side, looking out for her!

I hope you can all imagine Rosie's new look! It is always important to care for yourself and sometimes have a change, and Rosie was definitely in need of that!

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