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summary:it's been two weeks since awsten left.
it's been two weeks of sitting in his apartment and staring at the empty half of the closet and biting through the skin of his lip and saturating himself with the memories.
geoff isn't okay.
The breakup is still fresh.
It's a raw wound that's just barely begun to scab over, throbbing with the slightest touch as a reminder that yes, you let the best thing that could've ever happened to you go. You had the world and you let him slip away and you may never get him back.
It was completely his fault. They weren't doomed from the beginning. It could've worked. They could've been so happy. They could've spent their lives together. It was his fault they didn't, chalked up to his inability to communicate and the constant, 'oh, he knows I love him. I don't need to keep saying it. He knows.'
Awsten didn't know and Geoff didn't know that he was locked in a perpetual battle with his mind, with the ugly monster that sat perched at the base of his skull spitting abuse day in and day out. He didn't know that Awsten had depression, that for every 'I love you' and 'you're important to me' he didn't say, Awsten heard 'he doesn't love you no one loves you no one will ever love you you're a waste of space you don't matter no one would care if you killed yourself especially not Geoff'.
Awsten was the one who ended it, a tearstained piece of paper and a half-empty apartment being all that were left in the wake. 'I love you so much but I don't think you love me and I don't think I can love enough for both of us. I'm sorry. You were the best thing that ever happened to me but I wasn't that for you and maybe it makes me selfish but every single one of my relationships has been one-sided and I can't carry anymore. I can't love enough for both of us, I can't give everything when you're giving nothing; I can't do it. I need to take care of myself. I need to put myself first. I hope you understand. I'll always be love you but I can't be in love with someone who's not in love with me.'
It's been two weeks and the ache still weighs heavy in his chest, forming a pit in his stomach. Two weeks without Awsten's brilliant smile and musical laughter and determination to make him smile on days that began so badly. He never had a bad night when they were together. Awsten was so good at it, so good at turning a terrible day into a wonderful night. Peppering him with kisses and breathing love into his skin and reminding him that bad days didn't last forever and that he'd always have him. No matter what. Forever.
Geoff swallows. He turns the key in the fob to lock his apartment and sidesteps to lean against the wall, tilting his head back. The knot in his throat is throbbing, pumping pain throughout his body in the form of fresh tears. They burn at the corners of his eyes and he blinks with a soft whimper.
