gone

gone part 4 cevin

I have cancer brain cancer to be specific it was stage 3 and rapidly growing. I can't believe it, I thought to myself, my life was falling apart I just lost my boyfriend and I probably won't live through the operation, and even if I do there is still a chance the cancer will come back. there is a 2% chance I'll survive the second operation. the brain tumor had already done enough damage so basically have two out comes death or years of pain and debt that I can't pay off. I had lost all hope at that point my life was over. Everyone I loved was gone. My mom died when I was 6 and i never knew my dad. The rest of my family basically disowned me when I started dating kj. I'm all alone there is no one left. That night I cried myself to sleep. In the morning as expected i woke up alone the room was quiet and I could only hear the faint beeping of the machines. About thirty minute later a nurse came in with some breakfast and told me this is my last meal before surgery. All I could think was that it was my last meal forever. I was going to die in 12 hours I'm almost positive and even the slim chance nothing will go wrong i'll probably be as brain dead as a zombie. At this point there were so many scenarios going through my head some realistic and somewhere so nonsensical that you would expect to find them straight out of a fiction horror story. I tried to get my mind off things so I turned on the TV and there was some asian cartoon so I flipped the channel to one of those cooking shows they were making some fancy tuna roll and I figured that would keep me entertained enough that I could pass a few hours in no time. It was about 12 pm when the show ended with them making potato salad and then tasting it just like they do in every cooking show in existence. I was in bed and ever so slightly tired so I decided to take a nap, once i fell asleep I had a dream and I remember it felt like dayshavoo, like i've seen it before was my memory of that night coming back. In the dream I was running down a street in the rain when I came across a bar and the rest went fuzzy. I woke up it was like 7:30 pm and I sat there for a few minutes before another doctor came into my room and said that they were preparing for surgery and I had 20 or so minutes to prepare myself. 20 minutes wasn't long enough I was so yongue could this be it the time I say goodbye. I didn't want to be alone so I called up max and he was here in about 5 minutes. I explained that I had cancer and then I told him how I broke up with kj because he kissed another guy, and he got a blank look on his face and almost looked upset He look as if he had done something wrong but what could he have done?