The Family We Choose

         Aunt Deb is not my biological aunt. She is a very close friend of my mom. She is very passionate about literature and helping people learn more about others and communication. Aunt Deb is from Argentina and she moved here to study at the University of Notre Dame and finish her PHD. We met her through our church in 2012. When she first came to the States she didn't know many people in the area and all of her family were out of the country. By inviting her to the movie night we host at our house and inviting her over for dinner we made her feel more at home. Because of this, she gained some friends and a support system to fall back on when she needed it. She is also very supportive of me and my family when we need it. She took me to appointments when my mom was really busy and I slept over at her house on multiple occasions. She even taught me how to make cheese cake and ganache. There was one thing she said that I will never forget. She was bringing me to therapy and when we were signing in they asked me who she was. I told her she was my Aunt Deb but she's not really my aunt. And Debora said "I chose to be your aunt and that's the best kind." That has stuck with me for years. The concept of choosing family was astounding to me but it made sense. She did all the things that you would expect an aunt to do. She remembered birthdays and made sure I was doing well, but, most importantly she loved and cared for me like any other family member would. Even if we are not biologically related I still consider her a part of my family.

        Helena is my oldest friend. We have known each other for 10 years now. She is my best friend and like a sister to me. Helena has been with me through thick and thin. She helped me when I was in a deep depression. I went through some dark times with my self worth and some abandonment issues. When my parents were adopting for the first time she was there with me as my family went through all of the struggles of figuring out how to care for a special needs child. She was there with me when I felt neglected by my parents because of the amount of time they had to spend with my sister. When my mom has to be rushed to the hospital, Helena called me while she was at Princeton for a program and talked to me for four hours before she had to go to mass. Helena is the best friend I could possibly ask for, and I am thankful every day for her. Helena does not have the best home life, so I try to do my best to support her and be like a sister to her. My parents even accept her as a part of the family, and she is always welcome into our home at any time of day or night. She is a great person to be around wether you need someone to talk to or someone to sit with in the Wendy's parking lot, eat a frosty, and watch the office. Helena is a sister to me even if we are not biologically related.

        Alyssa is my boss. We have only known each other for about a year but she has made a big impact on my life. She is like a second mom to me, even though she is only three and a half years older than me. I think that she really cares about me. She always tries to make sure I am doing well and checking to see see if I am eating and drinking enough. When I'm having problems she is a very good person to talk to about them. She always helps me assess the situation and encourages me to think about them rationally and handle them in a productive way. I was going through some stuff with a person who I was friends with at the time but she was not very kind to me and Alyssa told me that I do not deserve to be treated that way. So she and I talked some more about what was the best way of going about talking to this person and ending this friendship and because of her advice things went over really well and I no longer have problems with this person. Her caring for me in such a way helped me to solidify the idea that family isn't always related by blood. She helps fill the role of a mom when my mom is unavailable by giving me relationship advice and helps me figure out how to help my friends and family better. She is such a loving and giving person and is such an inspiration to me. I hope that in the future I will be able to be an 'Alyssa' to someone.

     I believe in the family that we choose. Family is not just about who you are related to, instead it is about who you love and care for as a family would. We are not always born into ideal family situations. Even when your relatives are not supportive or loving as a family should be, there are still people you can get that from. We can not choose who we are related to, but we can choose who our family is.