We Meet Again

Finding peace

July, 2001l98

I started working in  Americold Lodgistics.  Word had gotten around about my recent misfortune. I got a lot of sympathy from others and made friends very quickly.  I wasn't completely unfortunate looking and for some reason the men in the company started eyeing me.

I would walk 2 hours and forty five minutes every day to work. I would wake up at 10 am. Have breakfast, get ready for work and headed out. The long walks were therapeutic for me. It helped me to clear my mind and stay fit. I would work the night shift from 3 PM to 11pm.

All the guys were trying to get me to go out with them. However after the recent tragedy I befriended them, not really looking for anything serious.

I would work from Mon-Fri. On Sat I cashed my paycheck and at night I  would visit the local dance club. The name was Beneficiary of Puerto Rico.

Something strange had happened to me for a whole year.  When I got to the club and sat down,  their was a still small voice that was louder than all the music,  because it came from inside.
Voice: " What are you doing here? You are not from here"

I would get very nervous and I would go to the bartender and ask for three Coronas and a shot of tequila. With this, the voice was silent and I would dance all night long. Often with strangers that I had never met.
When I got home I would lay on my twin bed overlooking the window and tears would roll down my face. I was unhappy because I was not where I was supposed to  be. I felt alone and sad for a long time. My prayers were always the same.

Me: " God I don't want to be this person.  Please send me a man that loves you. A man that I can serve you with.  This is not who I am. I want to serve you.

Weeks went by and they same prayer. Same scenario. The voice would speak and I would try to silence it with alchohol.

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I had worked very hard and was promoted to line lead. It was my job to lead a team of 15 people as we repackaged items going to retail stores.  I would be in charge of getting materials on the line and filling out paperwork. 

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June,2002

In June as was usuall a new team of employees began working for us. Because of the heavy nature of the job, employees wouldn't last long and the temp agency would replace the employees with new ones.

In the mix there was a Pastor and his wife, two young men and the sister of one of them.

Because there were two lines the employees would be devided between the two.

I got the Pastor and one of the young men. They were very hard workers. A relief from all the lazy workers I had in the past. I would speak casually with them but only in passing because of the work that needed to be done.

In time they got moved to the morning shift and I stayed in  the night shift.

I would then only see them as they were on their way to clock out as I was clocking in.  From the two young men I noticed one was very shy. He wouldn't look at me in they eyes, something that I found to be strange.

I was the type of person that would greet my friends with  a kiss on their cheeks or a hug.  However this guy was different.  Because I would have to initiate conversation with him every time I would do it in a very odd way.  I would bump his shoulder with mine and I would catch his very shy smile before it disappeared. 

His cheeks would turn scarlet red from his scalp to his neck. I found it fun to make him blush brutally. 

So every day I  would wait for his friend and him to arrive and I would do the same thing.  He would never look at me he would just say hi politely and blush brutally.

(At one point I thought that I would introduce his friend Enrique and him to my cousin Kate. She was very conservative and they were just like her. I thought to myself one of them would make a good match with her.)

He was different,  not cocky or confident like the others in the factory that tried to get me. This man was handsome but he didn't know it.

He had light brown hair slightly muscular build. His eyes were fiercely green with gold specks in the sunlight.   He was very light skinned due to the cold winters in PA. He was shorter than anyone I had ever dated, still an inch taller than me. All in all a very handsome fellow. Mr. Israel Morales Ortiz

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Time had passed with little to no interaction.  He quickly became a part of the friend zone. I was attracted to him but because of his shy demeanor there was never a way to take it up a notch.

When I needed advice I would find him and he would give it willingly.

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In August he left the company suddenly.  I hadn't heard or seen from him scince.

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