Day Dreamers

Chapter 1: Crushed

"What is love?" My art teacher, Mr. Misch asks the class handing us a sheet of paper, expecting us to write something down. The entire class gets quiet, and one boy shouts "Food!" The class explodes with laughter and Mr. Misch says "Okay, write that down then! Just don't shout out the answers like Luka over here. That's what the paper is for." I giggle to myself quietly. I take out my pencil and get as far as "When one decides to admire a certain person for an extended amount of time, that is referred to as love." My mind races with thoughts. You see, I could never tell my certain person that I admired them, afraid that they wouldn't feel the same way. Wait, that's called a crush isn't it? I don't even know anymore. After a few minutes the teacher then follows up with another question unrelated to art "Why do we, as humans become insecure?" I continue writing with a sigh, "Being insecure is how we humans react. We worry for what is to come and sometimes, never progress. We are afraid of  judgement." I am afraid.

So afraid.

I'm only in my first period class and I'm already writing too much. What is wrong with me? The answer shouldn't be personal. It should be a normal response! I flip my pencil upside down and smash the eraser on the words I just wrote. That didn't make sense. The world doesn't revolve around me, and it never has. What am I thinking? If I wrote all of that, he'd think I was crazy. I'm not going to do that again. The last time I decided to add my life story into an assignment, my English teacher (Mrs. Waters) wanted to get to know me better, and somehow become my best friend, like that's going to help me. As an introvert, forcefully having a conversation can make me even more nervous than I already am. I appreciate it, but if that teacher really wanted to know me better, she should have done it not because of the way I write or out of pity for me, but because of the content of my character. Otherwise it feels like I'm being lied to. The friendship is artificial then... plus my teacher as a friend? No thanks, she won't ever understand me. In the midst of all my thoughts, the bell rings, and Mr. Misch says "Oh! How time flies!" And chuckles. He also explains that he does not want our responses turned in, that it was only a "brain exercise" for the day. Great. I had a whole episode of overthinking those answers, and it didn't even matter. What for? I fold up my paper neatly and place it in my folder anyway. I think my anxiety has been raised from 80% to 110% because of this simple assignment. Of course no one can tell, I have a smile on my face at all times. Nothing could possibly be wrong with me.

Now I must walk to my 2nd period class, World History. Where all the stuff you learn is about war and bloodshed, and inevitably, human deaths of the past. I don't mind it. Sometimes learning about this is interesting, only, I wish my teacher didn't have such a monotone voice. I arrive early to class. Shoot. "Lilly, I see you are early this morning!" I'm a bit startled, I want to say something back, but my mouth just opens and then closes again...nothing comes out.  Say something. "What was that?" Mr. Lansand asks, clearly confused. "I um...yeah I am early haha." I manage to say. Mr. Lansand smiles to himself, satisfied with my answer. I slide into my seat, and wait for my classmates to fill the room, removing the stress of him focusing on me. We have a project to do, it's not that hard. I just tend to procrastinate with these things. We are supposed to wait for the Morning Announcements, with the same lady speaking into the intercom every day. They should give other people a chance to speak. But no, it never changes. While sitting at my desk I feel a tap on my shoulder, so I look up. It's Cinnamon. She's a really nice person. The only one I enjoy talking to in the class. Of course, if I wasn't so shy, I would probably have lots of friends in this class. "Did you do your homework from yesterday?" She asks me.
"Yeah I did. What about you?"
"Yeah I finished In class yesterday I just didn't wanna turn it in yet."
"Oh, your a fast writer what the heck."
"I guess haha."
"Hey where are your glasses??"
"Oh I uh I don't really need them right now."
"CLearLy yoU dO ciNamMoN."
"No I just, ugh. I don't like them, I look uglyy."
"I don't think your ugly."
"..."
She never wears them, instead she brings them just to show me so I don't pester her, and then she slides them right into her pocket. Unused. Class has started and the Announcements have ended so she goes back to her seat, sighing sadly. I can't be mad at her. I stare her down with a stupid smile on my face. She smiles back, covering her face. She's so adorable. I don't like it when she says bad things about herself. I hope one day she sees that she is an amazing person to me, if not everyone else.

...........................................................................

I hope you liked this chapter because this is my first book ahahaaaaa and stay tuned for the next one? I might update this next week if not sooner! Much love, Benjabean-❤️