Save Me From Myself

Poison

I wake up screaming and crying. My pillow is soaked with salty tears and blood has created blurry lines on my shins from my toes scratching into them in an uncontrollable panic and inability to stay calm. I turn on my lamp and take off my sweaty clothes. I fall onto the cool, wooden floor and start crying. I hate myself. I hate my subconscious. I hate the poison that's soaked into every nook and cranny of my fucked up brain. I pick up a picture frame and smash it against the wall. I pound the wall with my fists and scream at the top of my lungs. My back collides with dresser and I fall back on the floor. I feel so helpless and such a mess. I feel sick. I pound on my mother'a door and I know she's not gonna wake up. Stupid fucking sleeping pills. Stupid fucking silence. I throw on sweatpants two sizes too big and a crop top and storm to the other side of the house. I grab her car keys from the kitchen table and storm outside, slamming the door. I get in the car and blast the music. It's raining outside and it's as if the world is crying right along with me. The rain drums on the car and rolls down the windows as tears roll down my cheeks. I drive and drive. I stop when I get to his house. I sneak in through the back door, the key is on the chain. It's almost 3:30am and I don't hear a sound. Fucking silence. I creep to the kitchen as quiet as I could and pull out a case of beer and a bottle of vodka. I slip back to the door and lock it behind me. I leave my father's house and don't look back.