"You like it when I impose economic sanctions on you, don't you?" His voice sent shivers down Putin's back. The pale authoritarian leader's back arched in ecstasy as Obama whispered into his ears. "Your asscheeks," Obama swiftly smacked Putin, leaving a bright red spot on his otherwise porcelain ass. "clenched when you saw the ruble's devaluation, didn't they?" Putin was on the defensive. Obama, the sly bastard, had trapped him after the latest series of sanctions, and here they were. His final weapon was twitching, at the ready. Putin just had to wait, wait a couple more months for the election. "Plotting, are you?" Obama's new wave sent Putin screeching senseless, clinging to Obama's limber arms for support.
Something was off.
Something was off and Obama knew it. The latest waves of sanctions didn't seem to hit Putin the same way. While he'd had a reaction, it wasn't like before. He's using a promise to hold on, Obama thought, closing the door behind him. He's holding some kind of...AUGH! Obama cried out as some unidentifiable object penetrated his borders. "It's...transcontinental!" He cried out, falling to the floor. "Now look at what you've done." Obama gritted his teeth. It was him. "Well, Barack, you've made a mess of the eastern seaboard. Much like you made a mess of that poor chap Nicholas Maduro, eh?" Putin tilted his head back and let out a throaty laugh. He'd never seen such a sight, and he might not ever see one again. Obama, the great leader of the world, spread out across the Pacific, twitching. Waves of pleasure, all of it telegraphed on his face as clearly as his high res satellite imagery. No...it can't...end like this. Images flashed through his mind as Putin stepped forward, preparing his set of sanctions. Bernie unleashing his power, limited still by his clogged artery. Hillary campaigning, forging on with a cold. Other candidates who didn't fucking matter and got wiped out early on. Their resolve, their populism, their rage, their bureacratic bullshit...all of it flowed through him. No.
It can't end here.
"What!? No!" Putin concentrated, his attack strengthening. "That's it! Take it all! DNC emails, classified data, personal info...take it all! Send it to Assange-chan!" Putin cackled madly, but it was all for naught. Obama rose up, the ever-present smile that conned the American masses into believing that Obama was a leftist and not a fucking centrist had never been stronger. He raised a single attack. His final sanction. "You may have heard these words before," the president intoned. He thrust forward, releasing enough force to impact most of Europe's and South America's economy. "But I'll have to beat it into you! Democracy beyond...PLUS CAPITALISM! "No!" Putin cried out. Rubles flowed out from him, devaluing faster than a Thailand hooker could get an STD. I'll be back...44th president, he thought, escaping with 0.015 the power he once possessed. Leaving behind a single lock of blonde hair, Putin had left the chat. "My lord..." Angela Merkel gasped at Obama's forlorn form. The other leaders gathered 'round to witness the historic leader's last stand.
Goodbye...Oval Office. Obama's last sight as the 44th president was an orange man walking in, demanding Kim Jong-Un to let him suck his dick. Welp, back to private citizen life.
Hey. I'm back. I'm leaving my old fics up, and I might find the time or feeling to update 'em, but don't count on it.
